Nobody Sees
by Follow-ur-Shadow
Summary: Elizabeth ascends from her Replicator body but after re-taking human form, she lands in the hands of an enemy John has yet to encounter. - Sparky
1. Chapter 1

**Nobody Sees**

**Category**: Drama/Angst/Adventure/Romance

**Pairing**: Shep/Weir, slight McKay/Keller.

**Summary**: Elizabeth ascends from her Replicator body but after re-taking human form, she lands in the hands of an enemy John has yet to encounter.

**Warnings**: Deals with depression, violence, all in all it's quite angsty and there are loads of light recaps of various episodes :)

**Disclaimer**: Own nothing, Nadda, Zip Zilch.

**Authors Notes**: Okay, so after finally bringing myself to watch the final season of Stargate Atlantis :S I felt the need to do a companion piece. The first chapter is set directly after The Ghost in the Machine but then it flashes forward to sometime around Brain Storm. Hopefully addresses some of the issues I had, the main ones of course being no Elizabeth and the fact Sheppard seemed a lot more reckless/complacent about making decisions. Although that last one could just be me reading into things a little too much :P

Current word count is about 25,000 words, that's a bit epic for me so I apologise in advance for not getting chapters up sooner. Constructive criticism is very much appreciated, especially with longer stories as I can be a bit out of my element... anyway, happy reading!

**

* * *

**

John exhaled sharply as his stick connected with force against Ronon's, before ducking and rolling stiffly to the other side of the room. His muscles protested the movement, burning with the strain of countless hours fighting but he didn't slow, rolling to his feet and bringing his arm down hard over his friends back. He _needed_ this. Each solid blow rammed home the physical reassurance that he was alive, _living_, and for the moment enduring the pain was all he could do to keep breathing

A grunt pushed from his lips as Ronon retaliated knocking him sideways, and he staggered finding fresh blood against his temple.

The fight was fuelling him, pushing his motivation to the surface. With everything that had happened; losing Ford, Carson, Teyla being taken by Michael, and now Elizabeth's consciousness floating in space, it was all too much. Every failure weighed down heavily, crushing the air from his lungs and he broke forward trying to shake the suffocating feeling.

The large Satedan warrior side stepped the attack with ease. Initially he'd been all to happy to indulge his friend in some therapeutic combat training but the man was starting to look a little worse for wear and given the events of the day, he figured it would be smart to call an end to the fairly one sided beating. "Maybe we should take a break?"

John threw his stick aside, wiping the sweat from his brow as it clattered to the floor, "you go, I'm gonna hit the gym."

Ronon raised his head, cocking it to the side slightly. He understood the situation; beating the living daylights out of _anything _you could get your hands on, trying to vent the anger and frustration over a failed mission... but in John's case it felt like more than that.

Something had been off with the usually resilient leader.

At first he'd dismissed the feeling as paranoia but after being trapped together in Michael's collapsed base together, he couldn't deny something was definitely wrong. There was no adrenaline, no spark to fight the good fight and he'd seemed almost complacent about the fact his life was hanging in the balance. What's more, Ronon could've sworn he'd almost caught a glimpse of the man welcoming an end to it.

Rolling his shoulders back, he tried for a slightly less intimidating stance. "Wanna talk about it?" Whatever was bothering him it was an issue that needed to addressed but his response left Ronon doubtful of a resolution anytime soon.

"Thanks, but no." It was short, clear, concise, and accompanied by a forceful look as John stalked from the room.

He didn't want to talk.

The only thing he wanted, the one thing that kept his mind sane throughout every mission they undertook was the burning desire drown his regrets with redemption. He wasn't naive. In the beginning perhaps, when everything had been shiny and new. When Atlantis had been the city that held so much promise for man kind, but not now.

Now it was simply a matter of holding the line, fulfilling his duties as military leader and keeping his people safe. Those were the three actions that had come to define him and he wouldn't concede to furthering them. He _couldn't_. The pressure and consequences were already too much for him to shoulder, adding to that weight with needless emotion would send him under.

**

* * *

**

Teyla caught the retreating form of John as he literally staggered down the dimly lit corridor and frowned, directing her attention back to the training room. She'd left he and Ronon hours ago. They couldn't possibly have been fighting for such an extended length of time although deep down she suspected that to be the case.

Pursing her lips together she moved across the threshold, skimming the polished floor with light steps until she reached Ronon's side, "I thought you were going to go easy on him." She raised an eyebrow, taking in his sweaty appearance with an annoyed sigh. He knew better than anyone how Elizabeth's reappearance had affected John and while it had been beneficial for him to accept a few rounds with the Colonel, she hadn't expected it to turn into a beating.

"The guy didn't give me much of a choice," Ronon rolled his shoulders back with a loud crack, "you're right, some thing's up with him."

Teyla nodded, unsettled but not surprised by the admission. She'd first noticed the increasing distance growing between herself and John months ago but she'd assumed it was due to her pregnancy. Clearly the news had come as a shock and in truth she'd expected a little animosity over the decision but the more she thought about it, the more his behaviour shifting seemed to be unrelated to the announcement.

Even after he'd gotten used to the idea he seemed more hostile and reckless in his actions, putting the safety of Atlantis and it's inhabitants unnecessarily before his own. When they'd been in quarantine, locked out from the city's command system, he'd scaled the looming tower without so much as batting an eyelid and it was more than simply swallowing his fear for the greater good. There was an acceptance in his eyes that whatever the outcome, he'd be okay with it and that alone was enough to scare her.

"Perhaps I should speak with him?" She titled her head curious for the larger man's insight on the matter but his gruff response did little to reassure her.

"I tried, he's not interested." Ronon lowered his arms, folding them neatly over his chest. Whatever was going through their leader's mind it was safe to assume neither one of them would become privy to it in the near future. "Give him some time," he suggested, knowing it wasn't the answer she wanted to hear but failing to come up with an alternative, "he'll come around."

"And if he doesn't?" Though she hated jumping to worst case scenarios, that was more McKay's style, there was a niggling feeling in the pit of her stomach she couldn't quite shake. In their line of work if he didn't snap out of it the consequences would speak for themselves.

"He will." Ronon tightened his features determinedly.

Aaccepting any less simply wasn't an option. Sheppard had saved him from a life under constant Wraith influence which meant whatever he needed to do, be it physically knocking the sense back into him, he would. He owed the man that much.

**

* * *

**

John inputted a faster speed on the treadmill, pounding his feet against the rubber grip mat as it spun wildly. His breath was coming hard and fast, spreading a dark haze around the edge of his vision but he didn't care. Once again the physical sensation was driving him, sending his emotions into a numb void where they couldn't be reached and he relished the chance to forget for a moment.

Even if it was only because the burning pain in his chest took precedence.

He didn't want to think about their latest encounter, the consciousness that claimed to be Elizabeth holed up in some manufactured body. It wasn't her. He'd stated as much right to her face, even though he would never truly believe it.

Not that it really mattered.

He could spin the information any way he chose, the truth was he _wanted _it to be her. Even in a form completely unreminiscent of her previous one. He'd already jumped the gun once, requesting she be allowed to remain behind on Atlantis in the replicated body. He couldn't help it. He was desperate, longing for her presence to once again roam the hall, for her to find him in the middle of the night and reassure him they were doing the right thing,_ he _was doing the right thing.

God, he missed that.

Increasing the speed by two he felt the burn spread throughout his thighs, bringing with it a new release. For a moment he thought he might pass out but the feeling ebbed as he adjusted to the new limit, pushing himself further than what should have been possible. That was the story of his life. Every corner, every turn presented a new challenge seemingly more difficult than the last but he always managed to find away round, though not always without consequences.

Once again Elizabeth had paid the price and once again it had been dealt by his own hand.

He'd looked her in the eye, claimed she was no longer the women he remembered and solidified the doubt remaining in her own mind. Her actions from there on in had been solely to prove to him she was who she claimed to be, including the selfless act to betray the other replicators.

By the time he realised that was her intention, it was too late.

The air compressed in his lungs and his hand flew out gasping for breath as the speed reduced to a walkable pace. He was exhausted, barely gathering enough strength to slump from the humming machine. He knew he couldn't keep it up for much longer. Eventually Ronon would call him on it or Teyla, but until then he was determined to find what little comfort he could in the gruelling regime.

The walls wavered under his tired gaze and he lowered himself down, resting his back against the cool tiled floor. He knew he ought to move, at least so he was partially hidden from the doorway but he didn't have the energy.

Five minutes. He just needed to rest for _five _minutes.

That was the last thought his mind kept hold of as the darkness descended and he welcomed it with open arms. Tomorrow was another day, another correlation of seconds and minutes to whittle away whatever hope he might try and reclaim. He was done trying to deal with the fallout; for now, he was just going to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Time wavered, lost in the remnants of vast space and yet it still burned fiercely into Elizabeth Wier's prosthetic body. The tangible term should have meant nothing but her humanity still perceived every moment, collaborating the seconds and attributing them to nearly two months worth of guilt and regret. She had nearly destroyed Atlantis, everything she had once sought to protect with naively wasted breath, and it still haunted her.

John was right; she was no longer Elizabeth Weir. At least, not the one he remembered.

Perhaps her intentions had been honourable but it was only out of desperation that she'd sought the refuge of a human body. Given time and the opportunity to indulge in it, she knew the others as well as herself would never have accepted the form. Even the possibility of ascension couldn't compare to the suffocating walls of mortality. It was comparative to a square peg in a round hole, it simply didn't fit.

Now the irony hit her hard.

Instead of choosing a life with physical and timely limitations, she'd walked the remaining replicators to imminent death. Of course at the time she hadn't foreseen the outcome. By stepping through the gate, to her kind, it was merely a form of stasis. A means to an altered fate entirely out of their hands. She never could have anticipated the two Wraith cruisers in orbit or that the radiation from their destruction would erode her almost indestructible body, and that wasn't even the worst part.

To her surprise, it was the unsuspecting pain that came with finally letting go.

She had fought so hard; against the nanites, the other replicators, Oberoth and despite her mind being raped repeatedly, there was still a whisper of hope echoing faintly against the raging trauma. She could no longer decipher whether it was real, an imprint or perhaps a lasting memory from her former self but it lingered, craving nothing more than the simplistic view of an ocean surrounded by a warm breeze.

The thought started to slip away, drowned by a fiery pain that spread faster than the nanites trying to repair her. It hurt. But not nearly as much as releasing her grip on reality did and she closed her mind to the pain. Regardless of who she was, what she had become, there was still a place out there she called home and she held onto that thought with every last reserve.

All of a sudden she found herself freezing, encompassed entirely by the fading darkness. It was terrifying, pulling her a part in every direction and she wanted to scream, cry... _anything _but the sound never reached her lips.

_Home_, she wanted to go home_. _

Drawing strength from the notion even as it slipped beyond comprehension, she focused on the distant roll of waves. It had to be her imagination, in the very least a delusion but the sound seemed to be calling her, drawing her into it's warmth.

Her eye's snapped open.

Surrounding her was the familiar picture, the balcony that she'd long craved a return to and she gripped the rail. The clarity was overwhelming; everything and nothing, past and present, knowing all without so much as a thought. It was enlightening and she could feel the choice that begged no question pumping through her veins. The non-existent answer finding her with every breath.

_Atlantis_.

She was finally going home.


	3. Chapter 3

The wind caught Commander Aldran Kolya harshly across the face, stinging with relentless beatings until he conceded folding up the collar of his jacket for protection. There was nothing here. A barren planet, void of life and hardly worth the rugged ground it rose from. Certainly not a viable location to establish base operations.

His heavy boots fell to the ground simultaneously, drawing to a halt ahead of his... the word _team_ felt like a stretch. He had gladly risen to take the lead after his father's death, despite his young appearance he was a competent leader, skilled and trained by the best but the men who followed him did so mostly because of a hatred for Ladon. They despised the current Genii government and so they followed his lead by default not out of loyalty.

He was fine with that.

Acastus had been the one to demand respect but personally he found instilling fear a far more productive tactic. It was effective for winning over soldiers who would sooner see him die than put their own lives at risk.

"There's nothing here worth our time, fall back to the gate," the order grated harshly off his tongue, carried by the howling wind. Despite first impressions of the planet his gut had told him to pursue the cause, convinced there was something important worth finding. Now he was starting to question that impulse.

His men dispersed and he wandered over to a patch of terse shrubbery, hoping the seclusion would supply him with answers. He wasn't quite ready to give up his own personal agenda just yet and tilted his head, closing his eyes to shut out the sound of the group retreating. He'd long ago honed his senses to such a refined skill and when he picked up on a misplaced sound he drew his gun stepping closer to the noise.

Being a man of precise agility surprise wasn't a distraction he usually fell victim to but as he pushed back the foliage, the revealed sight caused him to stumble barely catching himself with a sharp breath. Of all the scenarios he'd ever imaged witnessing on such a desolate planet _this _was by far the most unexpected.

At a loss for words he crouched down beside the huddled women, drawing his eyes away from her naked body to focus on her ashen face. He'd seen her before only once, when his father had taken Colonel Sheppard prisoner but there was no denying it was definitely her. He could recall standing in the shadows watching those same eyes shoot daggers through the monitor, blazing with anger as her military leader had been fed upon by a Wraith.

Only now, they were haunted with confusion resembling a timid animal caught in headlights and he brushed his fingers lightly against her shoulder.

She was freezing but certainly _felt _real.

Quickly pulling free from his jacket he guided it over her tightly curled body. Given the circumstances it was a decent fit offering modestly and warmth but her lips had already turned a deep shade of blue and he knew hypothermia wasn't in question.

Glancing around to reaffirm it wasn't some sort of trap, he brought his gaze back with a hesitant eye gripping her arm through the bulky material, "_Doctor Weir_?"

She jolted at the contact as if noticing his presence for the first time and her voice caught in a violent tremor, "I'm..m..'orry... d...d._.. don't_-" the words got lost between her chattering teeth and he frowned, wondering if the confusion was a matter of her physical state or something more._ Perhaps amnesia?_ Could the fates really be that fickle after the hell they'd subjected he and his father to?

Regardless, it wasn't an opportunity he was about to pass up and he wrapped his arms firmly around her body. She tensed, struggling under the tight grip but he didn't relent forcing out an unnaturally gentle tone, "it's all right, I can help you."

She relaxed against him and he pushed forward a smile.

Whilst he may not have found anything in the way of answers he was confident her unexplained appearance was the key force driving his instincts. Perhaps he had spent too much time and unnecessary resources searching the planet but the efforts had turned up something far more valuable than a desired location. If he played his cards right, avenging his father's death was only the beginning.

After that he would bring Atlantis to it's knees.

**

* * *

**

John stumbled out of the gate, feeling a wave of apprehension as his eye's washed over the barren planet's surface. It was drizzling lightly, casting a grey monotonous mist over the area and he sighed moving down the steps as the wormhole disengaged. "Which way Rodney?"

The scientist rubbed his hands together, bristling at the freezing temperature. "About an hours walk that way-" he pointed left, shivering as the words fell behind a puff of white condensation in the air. He wasn't keen on hiking in such dismal conditions but the mission held a lot of promise and so he swallowed the whine hovering against his tongue. The planet, or morbid rock as he'd nicknamed it, had been recently found in database and supposedly held an underground lab built by the Ancients which if it came to fruition, would prove to be a valuable source of information. "You think they would've at least-"

"Hold up!" Ronon called out, making no acknowledgement of the interruption as he crouched down by the DHD. Imprinted lightly over the ground were footprints... _still fresh_, and he recognised the boot markings immediately. "Genii have been here," he confirmed, straightening up as the team joined his position.

Sheppard subconsciously tightened the grip on his gun. "How many?"

Judging by the tracks he estimated there were about a dozen of them, if not more and reached for his stunner dialling up the voltage, "twelve at least."

McKay glanced nervously at the footprints. It was unlikely they would've located the lab given it was hidden deep underground but all the same, he didn't fancy running into any of them. Ever since he and Sheppard had been hunted down whilst searching for the 'great' temple of Larris, he'd been incredibly wary about crossing paths with them again. "You think they're still around?" he questioned, almost forgetting the situation as he recalled the portrait hung after he and John had returned victorious.

That moment had pretty much made the ordeal worth it but still he couldn't see _this _mission playing out with the same comical end. "I mean, seriously?" he glanced around the desolate shrubbery, "why would any want to hang around here?"

Teyla bent down, forming her own assessment of the situation. There were two sets, lighter imprints heading into the woods and heavier ones directed to the gate which did suggest they had already taken their leave of the planet. Standing back up she reassured Rodney with a caution, "it does appear they went back through the gate. However, it would be wise not to make too much noise just in case..."

He nodded, still feeling uneasy as they started to move out. It might have been the dark, damp, atmosphere but something about the planet didn't sit right with him.

For instance the coordinates had been in the Ancient's database this whole time and yet they'd only popped up in his scans a few days ago? That alone was enough to irk him. True there were still a lot of planets being discovered in the information banks but locations housing ancient technology were _supposed _to be primary targets. They should have discovered it months, if not years ago.

In his opinion the sooner they found they lab, got what they needed and left... the better.


	4. Chapter 4

Richard Woolsey hit the delete button on his PDA repeatedly, relieved as the countless emails from Rodney McKay disappeared from his inbox. The man was incorrigible. Always badgering him incessantly over the same issues but this time the scientist hadn't stopped to consider the fact he would actually agree to his request.

Their last mission had lead them to an underground Ancient's lab which for all intensive purposes had been a bust. Most of the technology was either broken or had been moved else where no doubt due to the unsustainable living conditions on the planet. Fortunately they'd happened upon it's location at a time when the temperatures were withstandable but in a few months the ground would be swallowed by metres of ice. The only valuable information they'd managed to turn up was another gate address which McKay seemed to think was worth investigating.

The only problem was, they already had. About four months ago a team had travelled to the planet only to be met with an incredibly hostile defence force. Their side had retreated without getting anywhere near the ruins and the address had been subsequently locked out of the dialing system.

Now Colonel Sheppard and his team wanted to run a covert operation deeming it was worth the risk. He agreed of course. If they could get in undetected the possibility of obtaining a ZMP would definitely give them a highly sought after advantage but for some reason everybody had instantly assumed he would be opposed to the idea, which he wasn't.

Becoming alert to a second pair of footsteps behind him Richard slowed, raising his head with a tight smile as the Colonel in question appeared beside him.

"Mr. Woolsey." John nodded, neatly folding his hands behind his back as he fell into step beside the man. He'd been CC'd all Rodney's emails about their latest mission request and realising the scientist's eagerness may inadvertently cost them the go ahead, he'd wanted to get in and try to smooth things over first.

"I know McKay has a tendancy to be a bit pushy but-"

"Relax Colonel," Richard cut him off well aware of where the conversation he was heading, "I've already approved the mission. You're both right, I think it's worth the risk."

John looked surprised for a moment but quickly let it fall from his features. Since Colonel Carter's departure it had taken time to get used to the new chain of command and Woolsey was fickle to say the least. His decisions were unpredictable, half the time siding with rules and regulation then oddly throwing a curve ball into the mix. It seemed this was one of the latter occasions.

"Should I schedule a briefing?" He asked hesitantly, trying not to jump the gun. Aside from their last mission gate travel had been on the back burner this month and as much as some down time was a nice change of pace he was a man of action and sitting on his hands effectively doing nothing was sending him a little stir crazy.

Woolsey scrolled through his calendar, peering over his glasses to get a better look at the screen, "I have an opening at 1300 hours this afternoon."

"Really?" John slapped his hands together, "that's great!"

Richard glanced up with a hint of amusement lacing his features and John cleared his throat in an attempt to dull his excitement, "I mean, not that I don't enjoy the time to catch up on reports..."

"You'd just rather be out there kicking a little ass?" Woolsey filled in for him, already familiarised with the Colonel's inability to sit still for a lengthy amount of time. If term relax meant anything to him it was gaining five hours sleep as apposed to four.

Sheppard stopped walking presumably to go fill in his team and Richard paused, raising an eyebrow "oh and Colonel when you see Doctor McKay, tell him I need his help with something important in sector C, level 2."

John frowned slightly. It was by pure chance he'd overheard a few of the engineers in the mess discussing the said location. If his memory served the transporter was broken and people were needing to walk halfway across the city before they could locate a working one. "Sector C, isn't that-"

"_Very important_."

Woolsey watched him nod in understanding before turning back to his PDA with a smirk. Perhaps it would serve to teach McKay that there were other ways of alerting people to problems _without_ the need for twenty-six emails.


	5. Chapter 5

John bounced readily on the balls of his feet as the gate activated, rolling his eyes at the dramatic sigh Rodney gave. Despite the fact they were undertaking the mission based on his input it was clear the scientist was less than enthused about the quick turn around and the fact he still had unfinished work in his lab.

"Suck it up Rodney." He raised an eyebrow before directing his gaze back to the open wormhole.

Rodney narrowed his eyes, reaffirming the gun that sat loosely in his hands. "Not everyone has the burning need to fuel a lack of adrenaline and maybe If you took up a hobby that wasn't so lame as _golf_, you might actually-"

"_McKay_!"

Ronon's gruff voice stifled the rant and Rodney turned sharply, "I'm not saying I _don't_ want to go on the mission, just that there are other ways to-"

"Just get through the damn gate!" Ronon shoved him roughly, sharing an amused look with Teyla as they followed behind him.

From the control room Woolsey bit back a smirk catching Sheppard's eye as the rest of his team disembarked, "good luck Colonel."

John waved his gun in recognition of the comment before exhaling and stepping through the wormhole; a trick he'd learnt early on. While most people thought to breathe in first it was actually a stronger instinct to inhale directly after exiting the gate, a small comfort he now took for granted as he transitioned easily between both sides.

Automatically scanning the area for his team, he noticed no immediate signs of danger and moved to join them. Fortunately the terrain was dense so they'd be able to use the thick forest as cover, slipping easily through the outskirts of the city undetected.

"Let's head out," he instructed, taking the lead as Ronon covered their sixes.

As predicted they made the journey without incident breaking through to the far end of the city in just under an hour. Keeping to protocol they secured their location a few hundred meters from the temple, remaining secluded in the shrubbery before it started to thin out. "Okay we should-" John went to order them forward but hesitated as Ronon prickled beside him.

"You hear something?" he questioned, immediately tensing. He knew from experience the man's hearing was impeccable as it was an asset he'd come to rely on heavily without question.

"Voices." The large Satedan warrior nodded towards the direction of the sound, "over there."

They crept quietly around, keeping cover behind the tree line until they located the source. From his position John could make out atleast six, maybe seven Genii clouding the entrance to the ruins.

"What! How did they get here?"

Rodney's hushed words grated loudly against his ears as he eyed the group. There was no evidence suggesting they'd located the coordinates through the same lab he and his team had discovered but that made little difference. However they'd acquired the knowledge they were here now and _that _was a problem. "I don't know but I'm not keen on finding out... let's get back to the gate."

He went to move but Teyla's firm grip held him steadily in place. The contact itself wasn't unusual but something about the way her fingers remained latched onto his arm set his nerves on edge. Glancing up, he immediately became alert to the concern written over her face and cocked his head in question, "_Teyla_?"

She nodded in the direction of the Genii force and he followed her gaze, finding the reason behind her stalled reaction with a sharp breath.

"_What_?" Rodney directed his attention to their line of sight, bringing his hand up to cover a muffled hitch, "Oh my god, is that-"

"Doctor Weir." Ronon glanced at John worried by how he might react to the news. It was no secret their last encounter with the former leader of Atlantis had left him in bad shape and while time had helped ease the man's self-destructive behaviour, another round might just send him back there permanently.

Instinctively he tightened the grip around his stunner, "what's the plan?"

"We do not even know for sure if that is the real Doctor Weir." Teyla hated the words as they pressed from her lips but felt the expressed need to share them. Given the last time they had seen Elizabeth she was not in possession of her true form it was unlikely this one was the 'real' Elizabeth Weir and it certainly wouldn't be the first time that they'd encountered a copy.

"Even if it's not her she could still have our Elizabeth's memories, not a good thing if she's working with _them_-" Rodney pointed to the group of Genii, more than a little disturbed by the scene. From their vantage point it was obvious she wasn't being held against her will and he couldn't fathom how they'd even met, let a lone forged something close to an alliance.

Ronon glanced at the men doing a quick mental assessment of the situation, "two on the right, three on the left plus those two. We could take them."

Teyla released her grip on their leader's arm seeking his approval with a note of concern, "_John_?"

He remained stoic finding words couldn't breach the lump nestled in his throat. He knew Teyla was right. The chances of it actually being her were pretty much non-existent but the foreign curls hanging loosely down her back and the way she stood animating her speech with gestures... it was all so, _human_.

"_Sheppard_!" Ronon's gruff voice pulled him from the thought and he swallowed dryly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He couldn't go through this again.

Regardless of who she was or her intentions, it would break him.

McKay felt a strong wave of sympathy as he watched his friend struggle with the decision. It was rare to see the the usually efficacious man fall short of a response and it tugged painfully at his own hesitation, "look, maybe... _maybe _we should just go back. Tell Woolsey and-"

"You said it yourself, she's a threat." Ronon pointed out, slightly disconcerted with being the only voice of reason. If it came down to it he was prepared to take the necessary action himself but one way or another the situation needed to be dealt with before it escalated.

John closed his eyes taking in a steady breath. Ronon was right. They needed to take care of this, _he _needed to take care of it before the unanswered questions sent him spiraling over the edge. "We need to get her alone-" he pressed on his knees finding the strength to push himself up, "all I need is five minutes."

"And how exactly do you propose we do that?" Rodney felt his concern dither at the absurdity of the suggestion. There was no guarantee Elizabeth would respond receptively to their presence and sending Sheppard in alone was in his opinion, the worst course of action.

John dismissed his pessimism determined to get the situation over with, "I don't know but we'll think of-"

"John, _look_-" Teyla pointed to the entrance of the temple and he narrowed his gaze watching Elizabeth slip through the stone archway. The other Genni seemed to to have no interest in following her too preoccupied with setting up their perimeter which meant now was their chance.

"See Rodney, a little positive thinking never goes astray." He raised his head, sucking in a short breath. All he had to do was get inside the complex and knowing the Ancients as well as his did there was bound to be a back door somewhere.

"Okay, I'm _sorry_-" Rodney protested not in the slightest bit apologetic as he voiced his concerns, "as much as I'd love to claim the title of Mr. Optimistic here, this is a _bad _idea. The last time we rolled around in the hay with these guys they nearly killed us and what if she doesn't come quietly? What are you going to do then!?"

"Man's got a point." Ronon screwed up his face unsettled by the joint agreement. He didn't like siding with McKay over Sheppard but sending the man in alone was too risky, especially if his emotions ended up getting the better of him. "I say we take them."

John brushed a terse hand over his face realising the subtext that lay behind their concern; they thought he couldn't handle it.

_ Hell_, maybe they were right.

After a moment of careful consideration he shook his head. At this point they didn't have a lot of options. Starting a fire-fight could get ugly not to mention raise the attention of the less than friendly locals and that was something he really wanted to avoid.

"If at all possible I'd like to get out of this without alerting the whole planet we're here." He turned to Ronon, knowing the larger man would follow the order despite his reluctance, "if things go south, I give you full permission to rain down on anyone who gets between us and the gate, satisfied?"

He nodded slightly and John clasped his gun without any further hesitation, "good. I'll be back in five."


	6. Chapter 6

Elizabeth ran her hand lightly over the stone wall, frowning at the carved texture beneath her fingertips.

She didn't understand.

Though that wasn't a feeling she was unaccustomed with of late. She didn't know what half the things she dreamed meant, nor if they were real or merely figments of her imagination. Part of her mused that no person, even with the worst of character, would conjure up the horrifying imagery that invaded her nightmares but that then paved way to a new dilemma. If her life before had been so wracked with violence perhaps it was something she'd intentionally tried to forget or in the very least, it was something she was subconsciously trying to keep buried.

A frustrated sigh broke her lips and as she cleared her mind, alert to the task of remaining focused. Through trial an error she'd learnt pushing for answers only served to throw them further out of reach and for the moment this location was her primary concern.

For some reason it's walls had become a reoccurring vision in her troubled mind, a place that her instincts had driven her to seek out and when she'd finally conceded to telling Aldran of it's importance, he'd been convinced it was worth checking out. Only now that she was here it was a large disappointment failing to jog even the slightest hint of a memory. There was nothing. The hollowed out carvings still held the same amount of mystery as they had in her dreams and she drew her hand back, turning as a scrape of gravel suddenly caught her attention.

The rough sound continued to edge closer and she tensed, watching a newly formed shadow grow higher over the far wall. The Genii had reassured her she was once a competent solider but even with their patience in re-teaching her the moves she still found the practices unnatural. She was learning, getting faster, _quicker_.... but deep down she feared there was a certain lack of ambition riding her in battles.

Taking a hesitant step backwards she pursed her lips together ready to call for help but faltered as a full figure emerged from the lowly cast light.

_His eyes_.

She knew those eyes.

The haunted look that lay just beneath their surface stirred a familiar twist in her gut and she sucked in a deep breath, lightly brushing the weapon by her hip. "How did you get in here?" she let her fingers hover, waiting to hear his response before taking any action.

John barely registered the movement, all coherent thoughts dying the moment he found her gaze. Maybe she wasn't the real Elizabeth Weir but her physical appearance played on his weakness and sarcasm was the only defense he could raise, indicating behind them with his thumb, "you left the back door open."

She bristled at the comment, taking another step back and he instinctively lowered his weapon. She certainly didn't look hostile. If anything, there was a vibe of fear from her tense movements and he narrowed his eyes, watching carefully as her lips parted in confusion, "Elizabeth...?"

Her head cocked to the side and a heavy wave of deja'vu washed over him at the mannerism. It was a response he'd seen her give many times but never in replicator form and every nerve in his body was suddenly set a light with an inexorable buzz. "What's going on," he shifted uneasily on his feet, "who are you?"

Elizabeth swallowed hard.

Despite the concern riding his words she could see he was still apprehensive and it made her all the more wary. Until now the Genii had been the only people she'd known and while there was an unexplainable desire dredging up from her instincts to trust him, Aldran had warned her they had enemies who were even more dangerous than the Wraith.

"You know my name," she held her ground forcing down the compulsion to back further away, "who are _you_?"

His pulse rattled unsteadily at the accusing tone. If she was any kind of replication she should have Elizabeth's memories and failing that, at least a more confident grasp on her surroundings. He hadn't met a Replicator yet who appeared anything less than arrogant. "Elizabeth it's me," he closed the distance between them feeling a rise of desperation, "John Sheppard, come on you have to remember-" her eyes turned a steely green, staring him down with utter distaste and he stopped dead.

If she had no memory of him and had been in the company of the Genii then there was no telling what lies they'd been filling her head with. "Look, I don't know what you've been told but we're friends. We came here together from earth..." she showed no recognition of the comment and he hesitantly took a step forward, "_please, _I'm telling you the truth."

Doubt rained heavily over Elizabeth as she put distance back between them. She knew all about Colonel Sheppard, about how he and his team had killed Aldran's father in cold blood and this time she was only a hairs breath away from calling for help. Without her memory she knew she was vulnerable to an attack and that he would use any means necessary to twist her thoughts.

"I suggest you leave Colonel, _now_." She offered the warning, ready to draw her gun at a moments notice.

John felt his heart slam violently in response but he wasn't ready to back down just yet. Despite wanting to stay cautious he couldn't remain detached from the idea that she was _his _Elizabeth, that he could have her back, no copy, no nanites... just _her_. Maybe it was his emotions getting the better of him but regardless, returning her to Atlantis was the only way to know for sure.

"Rodney, Teyla, Ronon, they're all waiting outside," he pressed trying to get through to her, "I swear Elizabeth I'm telling you truth but you have to come with me before-"

"_Colonel Sheppard_." Aldran's voice rang throughout the compound, announcing his presence with a twisted smile, "well, isn't this a nice little reunion-" he came to a stop beside Elizabeth feeling a small swell of pride at her obvious hesitation. Albeit the meeting was a little premature but that wouldn't stop him from enjoying it any less.

Anger seethed from John's body as he tensed, tightening the grip on his gun. While the man's face held a vague sense of familiarity he was struggling to recall having met him before. "W_ait_," he arched an eyebrow, "did I give you my number and forget to call? Sorry, I'm terrible like that..."

"You mightn't remember our previous encounter..." Aldran's eyes darkened as he squared his shoulders, "as I recall you were a little busy letting my father be fed upon by a Wraith."

It was a slight variation of the truth but re-inventing the stories had proved pivotal in convincing the former leader of Atlantis that Sheppard and his team were the enemy. So far the tactic had prevailed and he'd seen no evidence suggesting the lies would come undone easily.

John's mind ticked over trying to make sense of the allegation and then with a sickening wrench his gut settled on the only viable explanation, "you're-"

"_Aldran Kolya_."

With the flick of his wrist John released the safety on his gun, unsettled when the man didn't so much as flinch in response. If Kolya's son held even a morsel of resemblance to his father then the situation had just nose dived beyond comprehension.

"That won't be necessary." Aldran quirked an eyebrow making no move to secure his own weapon. He didn't need to. Everything was falling into place exactly as he'd anticipted. "I have no intention of trying to stop you from leaving, or Elizabeth if she so chooses. I think enough blood has already been spilt over our hands, don't you?"

John hesitated but didn't lower his weapon. There was no way the leader bent on revenge would willing let them leave alive but even so he was at a major disadvantage and had no choice but to play along. "Elizabeth please," he found her gaze tentatively,"I'm asking you to trust me, come with us."

Aldran let out a indignant puff of air at the request, "trust the man pointing a gun, interesting incentive Sheppard."

"Stay out of this!" John snapped, regretfully letting his anger take hold. He knew he was being set up, that by appearing hostile he was playing right into the younger man's hands but short of relinquishing his weapon there was nothing he could do. Appealing to Elizabeth was his only option. "I'm not going to hurt you," he tried again deliberately keeping focus away from the Genni leader, "I want to help you."

She stepped defiantly in front of his weapon. Having Aldran close empowered her confidence over the situation and she remained impassive holding her ground determinedly, "I don't need your help but thanks all the same."

John flinched, feeling a wave of defeat at the bitterness lacing her tone.

He was losing her.

"Listen to me, you _can't_-" the sentence was cut short by a burst of gun fire erupting outside and John felt his stomach drop as the sound of heavy footsteps echoed loudly behind him.

"Sheppard, we need to move!" Ronon stormed the room, instinctively raising his stunner at the two other occupants of the compound. "Guards from the city made our position," he eyed Elizabeth warily, "Teyla's got it covered but more are on their way, we need to go"

"Elizabeth _please,_" John turned back to her once again overcome by desperation, "the people on this planet are dangerous... you're not safe with him, I can protect you."

For a brief second she wavered but Aldran's light hand on her arm distinguished the doubts. The Genii had found her, welcomed her home, and she wasn't about to abandon them on the word of two strangers who were holding her at gun point. "Just stay out of our way!" She spat, pulling her weapon from its holster. If it was going to be a fire-fight back to the gate then she was going down with her side.

John went to protest but Ronon grabbed his shoulder hard, pulling them back down the darkened passageway. Obviously Weir was against them and they didn't have the time or the resources to stay and try to convince her otherwise.

As they stumbled out into the light John broke forcefully from the Satedan's firm grasp. Initially his instinct had been to follow the man but adrenaline was kicking in and the fact he was leaving Elizabeth behind _again_, pressed heavily on his nerves. He'd lived and breathed that regret for nearly a year and there was no way in hell he was going to make the same mistake. "We need to go back!"

"To what!" Ronon turned, conscious of the time they were wasting. "The Genii are already on their way to the gate," he grasped his radio sparing no thought for an empathetic response. Whatever had transpired it was a matter that was best saved for Atlantis not the middle of an ambush, "Teyla, McKay... what's your position?" A rustle sounded in the bushes and Ronon raised his weapon, lowering it as their two remaining team members emerged.

"What happened?" Rodney looked around nervously, "where's Elizabeth, is she-"

"_Gone_." John forced the word out, reluctantly conceding that the Genii had probably already started to retreat. Maybe they wouldn't be able to head them off but they could at least slow down the guards hot on their tail, "come on, lets move."

Ronon raised his stunner taking point, deliberately ignoring the feel of Sheppard's eye's boring fiery holes into his back. He was doing what was necessary and once they returned to Atlantis, when the heat of the situation died down, he was positive the man would thank him for it.


	7. Chapter 7

Richard hesitated as the gate shut off, watching his strike team move across the floor with palpable tension. Something was wrong. They weren't due back for at least another few hours and judging by the way Sheppard stalked ahead of the rest he was willing to bet the colonel had been against leaving the planet prematurely.

Taking the last few steps to meet them, he let his gaze wash over the members bringing up the rear. Rodney looked visibly shaken, Teyla held a definite air of concern about her and Ronon, _well..._ he looked stoic as always but Richard knew from experience that could mean anything.

"You're back early?" he pressed lightly, tentatively approaching the reason for their unscheduled return.

"We've got a problem." John stated matter of factly, depositing his weapon in the arms of a current lieutenant on duty. To his credit the young man didn't question the action just moved to assist the other three team members while Sheppard turned back to the leader of Atlantis, "Keller can check us out later, we need to-"

"_Colonel..._" Woolsey urged him to slow down with a warning tone, "undergoing a medical assessment is standard procedure, we can debrief immediately after."

His jaw tightened but instead of protesting John gave a sharp nod, taking the stairs two at a time.

Richard let out a breath as he watched Ronon and McKay start in pursuit of the Colonel, casting a raised eyebrow towards Teyla. The Athosian women bowed her head in response and he immediately felt a sense of unease build in his stomach. "Teyla," he questioned, bringing his hands nervously behind his back, "what happened out there?"

"We found Doctor Weir." Teyla spoke softly allowing the full meaning to sink in, "she appeared to be in alliance with the Genii and we were unable to return with her."

"Doctor Weir, but she's... I mean we, _how_-" he struggled to find words, overwhelmed by the information. It had only been a few moths ago that they'd sent her through the space gate and it was highly unlikely she'd been able to reach a planet in that time, let a lone make contact with the military force.

"Mr. Woolsey, I think you misunderstand me." Teyla tried again, searching for a better analysis of the situation, "we found _Elizabeth_, not the replicator Fran housing her conscious."

His face twisted in further confusion and she realised the explanation had only provoked more questions but unsure of the facts herself it was all she could offer. "I believe Colonel Sheppard will be able to give more detail at the debriefing."

Richard scratched the side of his head feeling the beginning of a migraine starting to cloud his vision, "of course. See you get yourself checked out and then we'll go over what happened."

Teyla nodded obediently, before turning to navigate the set of stairs leading to the infirmary.

She knew this wasn't going to be easy for any of them but even with the doubts resting heavily it still allowed a spark of hope to rise within her. Given everything they'd seen and their recent run of luck, perhaps they would succeed in defying the odds yet again.

**

* * *

**

McKay tapped his pen repeatedly against the boardroom table. After being cleared they had started an immediate debrief but to his utter annoyance they were doing little more than going round in circles and what was worse, John had seemed to do a complete 180 and was offering little in the way of support.

"I'm telling you it's got to be her." Rodney reaffirmed, positive in his assessment of the situation. "If she still had the nanites, she would have remembered Sheppard."

"It could have been an act." Woolsey didn't blanch as the scientist rolled his eyes at the suggestion. He wanted to believe as much as anyone that it was Doctor Weir but he knew first hand how deceptive the replicators could be and how hope meant little if it came under false pretences.

"You saw her Ronon, what do you think?" he lent forward on his hands, forcing attention away from the man staring him down. Both arguments were feasible but unfortunately only one could be correct and the more insight they had on the situation the better.

Ronon shrugged his shoulders, unwilling to commit to either side of the debate. He despised the Replicators almost as much as he did the Wraith so his instincts screamed to be wary but the women siding with the Genni hadn't acted like any replicator copy he'd ever seen before. Her movements and emotions were too fluent, too human.

Crossing his arms firmly he cocked an eyebrow, "pretty convincing act."

"Thank you!" Rodney raised his arms in recognition of the statement. He understood the civilian leader was acting out of concern, trying to keep the situation rational but there came a point when disputing the facts only served to further complicate things. "So this means we're back to the un-ascended theory."

Woolsey tilted his head in acknowledgement of the explication. Out of all the options it held the most viability; explained the memory loss, physical aspects, the coincidental meeting on a planet of Ancient origin but it was also the most desired outcome, and _that _made it dangerous to believe. "We're assuming she's been with the Genii for at least a few months," he interjected thoughtfully, "in that time she should have remembered at least something from her previous life?"

Rodney shook his head. "Not necessarily. When they found Doctor Jackson it wasn't until he returned to earth that he started to remember things. He had no idea who his team were despite the fact they'd been working together for nearly six years prior."

"Not to mention the Genii are a military force." Teyla spoke up with her knowledge of the race, "it's entirely possible they've been subtly keeping her from accessing the memories."

"Like brainwashing." Ronon filled in feeling his blood boil at the mere thought. He knew personally how invasive those tactics could be and if they used anything like the Wraith's technique it would make retrieving her all the more difficult.

Woolsey regarded all the information carefully. He'd been worried their opinions might be bias given what was at stake but the evidence all seemed to be logical. The only problem was it negated to deal with their foremost issue on the subject. "Even so," he stiffened leaning back in his chair, "we still have no way of knowing where they've taken her."

Teyla raised an eyebrow in question, "could we not simply go back to the planet and retrieve the last dialled address?"

"_Yes_!" Rodney clicked his fingers, equally confident and enthused over the suggestion,"we duck in, remove the crystal and bring it back for analysis. Then once we're done we can put it back, call it an act of good faith and it might even buy us some brownie points with the locals."

Richard nodded considering the suggestion. While he was hesitant to put the team at unnecessary risk he understood their desire to see their previous leader returned, even empathised with it. He held a lot of respect for Doctor Weir and in the very least, if it turned out she _was _an impostor then the threat was better dealt with sooner rather than later.

"Colonel Sheppard," he lifted his gaze to the unusually refrained man, "you've barely said a word on the matter either way. I'm curious to hear what you think?"

Teyla watched her friend carefully, concerned when he gave no acknowledgement of the question. Since the infirmary he'd withdrawn, losing the ambition that had driven him back on the planet and she feared the response was his way of isolating himself from the situation.

"_John_?" She spoke gently, relieved when he snapped out of the trance like state.

"Sorry, what?"

He took a moment to catch up to the current line of conversation, unnerved by the multiple eyes searching him for a reaction. "I _ah_... we should-" he coughed clearing his throat, "I'm sure you'll make the right call..."

The tension in the small room suddenly became suffocating and he directed his gaze to the table's surface. Clearly they'd been expecting a different response but he couldn't bring himself to give one. If it wasn't her, if she was just another fabrication the pain would be unbearable and if it _was _the 'real' Elizabeth, what if she never remembered? Or worse he lost her again? It would destroy him.

Either way his heart had already been busted wide open and he didn't know if finding her was worth the risk of damaging it beyond repair.

Woolsey took a steady breath, clasping his hands together over the table. Clearly the Colonel wasn't going to offer him any further clarification and the other has already put forward more than enough information for him to consider. "Okay people, with that in mind I'll have my decision within the hour. You're all dismissed."

John was the first one up, pushing his chair back with a loud scrape. He needed to get out, find some breathing space but as he broke through the control room he found the escape short lived.

"What the hell was that!"

Rodney appeared at his side and John sped up unwilling to antagonise the situation, "not now McKay."

Despite his warning the scientist kept pace, failing to see the reason behind his friends sudden dismissal of the situation. When they'd come through the gate his determination had bordered on obsessive and now it seemed like he couldn't care less.

"Look, I know this thing with Elizabeth hasn't been easy-" he reached the stairs less than a step behind John, letting his protests fall freely, "but you can't just give up, not when-"

"Stop it, just _stop_!"

John spun around angrily, gripping the banister to keep from losing his balance, "I'm _sorry _okay? I'm sorry that I left her behind and I'm sorry that you think I'm giving up but I _can't_- " he swallowed sharply, realising the attention he was drawing from above. Three or four people had stopped to witness the heated exchange but he ignored their presence, lowering his voice to just above a whisper, "I can't keep losing her Rodney, I _won't_ go through that again."

McKay opened his mouth but the sound lodged in his throat, faltering under the subtle gaze of the control room. He knew the Colonel harboured an immense amount of guilt over losing Elizabeth, they all did himself included, but the way Sheppard's eye's brimmed with unresolved regret it alluded to something more and the revelation slammed him hard from every unsuspecting angle.

John had cared about her, beyond that of simple friendship.

God, it was so obvious. "I'm so sorry, I... I didn't realise-" he stuttered, lacking the words to defend his ignorance. The fact the man buried his emotions deeply beneath the surface was no excuse, he should have noticed. At some point over the years he _should_ have seen it.

"Yeah well," John breathed out feeling his anger dissipate in a wave of exhaustion, "I guess that makes two of us."

"You didn't-" Rodney stopped, the answer to his question written clearly all over his friends face. _He_ hadn't realised either. "You know there's still a chance," he tried again, stating the fact softly, "we could still get her back."

John didn't comment, raising his hand from the banister in order to turn around. He was done with slim chances. After having his heart ripped out of his chest more times that he could count, he'd learnt his lesson the hard way; _Elizabeth was gone_.

Rodney watched him leave choking back the response in his throat. It was a rare occasion for him to concede to dropping a subject but it was rarer still for him to witness a man breaking right before his eyes. There was nothing he could do. His friend would continue to drown in regret unless they miraculously brought Elizabeth home and even then there were no guarantees.


	8. Chapter 8

Major Evan Lorne hovered awkwardly in the infirmary's doorway, waiting for the nurse on call to finish checking over Colonel Sheppard. He'd heard over the grapevine that their mission to retrieve the DHD crystal had been successful and he was eager to confirm the rumour, hoping to get offworld and start scouting planets. Not many people were aware of just how close his relationship with Elizabeth had been but in the long hours following the countless mission's that saw her flagship team stranded or in trouble, he'd been there to offer her comfort. They'd formed a strong bond. Nothing more than a platonic of course... but still, if there was even a slight chance they could bring her home he wanted to be on the front line.

Sheppard jumped off the infirmary bed, shrugging on his jacket as he met the waiting soldier by the door. "Major Lorne," he acknowledged the man with a sharp nod, "I take there's a reason you're standing here, aside from wanting to catch me with my shirt off?"

Evan smirked, taking a small amount of amusement from the suggestion, "yes Sir. I heard you managed to retrieve the DHD crystal."

John pressed his lips together in confirmation, surprised that the rumours had already begun to circulate. McKay had only been cleared -_he glanced down at his watch_- about ten minutes ago, that had to be a record. "Word travels fast," he commented roughly, starting down the corridor.

"We're all eager to start searching Sir," Lorne clasped his hand together, falling into step beside the Colonel, "in fact, I'd like to personally volunteer my team if a rescue mission is mounted."

"Let's not get ahead of our selves Major. There's no guarantee even if we locate the right planet that the Genii will still be there." John let the words fall pessimistically from his mouth. Even after Woolsey had agreed to send them back to the planet, any future plans of action had ached doubtfully in his chest and now that the city was abuzz with the 'good' news, he found it even harder to escape the suffocating feeling of daunting failure; everything was moving too fast.

"Permission to speak freely Sir?"

Lorne cut into his thoughts and he nodded, despite the overwhelming urge to deny the request. "You know you don't have to ask?" he commented casually, having never really grown comfortable with the level of respect his position demanded from those under his command. Being a Colonel didn't mean his life was any more important and it certainly didn't mean people should feel the need to sensor their opinions around him.

"I know, It's just that-" Evan paused, choosing his approach carefully, "well, you seem to be taking this remarkably calmly. I would've thought given what's at stake you'd be a little less reserved in... getting the ball rolling, so to speak."

John slowed, grinding his jaw as they neared the transporter. Everyone expected him to be the voice of optimism but he was way beyond portraying a facade for the sake of appearances. There was only so much forced confidence he could withstand before the lies started to taste bitter against his tongue. "Look," he waved open the doors with a sigh, "we both know the odds on this one, I'm just trying to be realistic."

"Since when?" Lorne stepped inside the small confined space refusing to buy into the weak excuse, "last time I checked 'achieving the impossible' was pretty much your personal mission statement."

John's face instinctively darkened at the suggestion. He wasn't a hero. As he tried to explain to the hologram of McKay when he'd been sent thousands of years into the future, the notion that he alone could save the Pegasus galaxy was sorely misplaced. He was the one who had woken up the Wraith, agreed to the testing on Michael, approved the first strike on the Replicator home world...

He was anything _but _a hero.

"Yeah, well... I think the time to renounce that has come and gone."

Evan shifted regarding the man carefully as he tapped their destination. His posture was tense exhibiting a defeated attitude and there were lines of stress cresting dark circles under his eyes. He looked tired, no scratch that, _exhausted. _

"When was the last time you got a full nights sleep?" he questioned, concern riding his features.

John shrugged. He was pretty sure he hadn't sustained longer than a few hours since Elizabeth had turned up in the computer system months ago but he was unwilling to admit that to the man standing beside him. "You know how it is-" he forced a smile, relieved when the doors to the transporter slid back open.

As they stepped out Lorne slipped his fingers under the velcro lining his vest pocket, "here take these-" he pulled out an orange vial, popping the lid and placing two pills in his palm. "Keller prescribed them, they should knock you out for a few solid hours."

John went to protest but changed his mind at the last second, taking the tablets from the Major's hand. Perhaps the rest would do him good, clear his head from the persistent thoughts haunting his dreams every time he closed his eyes. There was no denying his body could certainly use the forced release.

"Now that you mention it, I am kind of beat," he fingered the pills thoughtfully, "you mind keeping an eye on things for a while?"

"Anyone asks, I'll tell them you're helping out the Athosian's on the mainland." Lorne swallowed his surprise pleased to see the man actually taking his advice. He hadn't expected it, but he was relieved none the less.

John nodded, sliding his ear piece off and handing it over to the Major. He knew the distraction would see him interrupted before he even got close to his room and as much as he hated being unreachable, he was confident in Lorne's ability to determine the seriousness of a situation before disturbing him. "Just so we're clear, McKay's definition of an emergency is a little different to most people's."

"Duly noted." He watched the Colonel turn but reached out with a light grasp halting the movement. While he was hesitant to address any deeper issues, not wanting to overstep the boundary of command, he knew conceding to a little rest was only a temporary solution. Solving the real problem would take more than a couple of sedatives.

"You've probably heard this a million times before but it wasn't your fault-" Evan let his hand fall with full confidence behind the claim, "if Elizabeth didn't remember you, it's because of the Genii not because she doesn't _want _to."

A lump formed in John's throat as the Major casually dismissed his deepest fear, yet the words failed to bring him any comfort. Maybe her reluctance was primarily because of the Genii's influence but that didn't mean some part of her wasn't subconsciously pushing him away. If she did hate him, he certainly wouldn't blame her for it. "You can't know that for sure," he admitted quietly, allowing a brief flicker of honesty to fall from beneath his mask.

"Actually, I can." Lorne watched his CO's eyes flashed up in recognition of the statement and offered a reassuring smile, "I spoke with her unofficially in the interrogation room when she was inhabiting Fran's body. She expressed an unusual amount of concern for you, was worried that you blamed yourself-" Evan watched the words sink in before continuing, "there isn't one person in this city who would hold you at fault, you did everything you could and Elizabeth knows that."

John took a deep breath. It wasn't enough to erase his guilt and if anything, it only served to fuel his own self doubt. He didn't want forgiveness. In his opinion, he didn't deserve it. "I should-" he motioned over his shoulder trying to dispel some of the awkwardness's that had settled between them.

"Yes Sir." Evan gave a slight nod, watching his retreating form without further comment. The words clearly hadn't made the necessary impact but for now it was at least enough that his CO was taking some time out to regroup. Hopefully that would see him through until they received more news on Elizabeth.

**

* * *

**

Teyla gazed down at her son with warm eyes as he settled into her arms. The mission they'd recently returned from had been relativity easy by comparison but that didn't diminish her relief over being home and safe with her family. It was a strange new feeling. While she'd always been depended upon by her people it was a dispensable need, the obligation to her child was more than that. Every instinct spoke volumes, maintaining that whatever the cost and be it in her power, she would always return the life she had given birth to.

"He has not been this calm since you left." Kanan watched the pair with a soft smile, "I believe the bond between you is growing."

Teyla bounced the small bundle, raising her head as the door chimed behind them. "Would you mind?" she indicated towards the direction of the sound and he nodded.

"Of course."

Closing the distance between them, he placed a light kiss against her temple. Torren wasn't the only one who had noticed his mother's absence. He himself had been eagerly awaiting her return, hoping that no trouble reached the offworld team and praying they all made it home safely.

Squeezing her shoulder gently, he returned to his objective finding the current leader of Atlantis standing at the threshold of their room.

"Sorry to interrupt." Woolsey clasped his wrists lightly, "Teyla, may I have a word?"

She nodded, joining both men at the door with concern unintentionally prickling her features. It seemed she was getting far too good at assuming worst case scenarios lately. "Mr. Woolsey," she continued to bounce Torren up and down, "is there something wrong?"

Richard shook his head, "I just need your insight into a matter but only if it's convenient."

Kanan took the cue slipping his son from Teyla's arms, "I shall take him for a walk, he seems to like that." Meeting her approving nod he stepped from the room, returning his gaze to the child's suddenly alert eye's. They were alive with fascination, taking in all the new wonder and he smiled down at the boy. There was no denying he was his mother's child.

Teyla watched her family disappear with a feeling of ease, motioning for Woolsey to enter ahead of her. "You are looking for advice?" she questioned, following him across the broad space of her quarters. They were a decent size, housing plenty of room for a young infant but in time she mused sadly, her son would out grow the walls she had come to view so fondly.

Woolsey breathed out, unaware of her nostalgia as he readjusted the bridge of his glasses. The reason behind his visit was causing him a rather large amount of anxiety. Once again he found himself pulled into the tightly knit group residing in Atlantis and once again it threatened to impair his judgement. "Doctor McKay believes there are forty-six addresses possibly dialled by the Genii-"

"You are wondering whether or not it is prudent to stretch our resources?" She interjected, assuming it was the cause for his concern.

"Actually, no." Richard started to pace back and forth across the length of floor. While it was a reason that sounded like one he might give, it wasn't what had persuaded him to seek out her advice. "I've already granted the request to start searching for Doctor Weir. Despite not knowing the circumstances behind her appearance she's still a viable security threat, that's enough to warrant the cause."

Teyla frowned in confusion, "then I do not understand?"

"It's Colonel Sheppard," Woolsey pushed out getting straight to the point, "if we manage to locate the planet she's on, I'm worried he may be a liability to the rescue mission."

She nodded slowly, gaining a fuller comprehension of the situation. John's behaviour in the initial briefing over Elizabeth had left them all with unanswered questions and it hadn't improved after acquiring the DHD crystal. His attitude remained entirely complacent, treating the situation as if it were business as usual and she herself had been worried that he wasn't handling everything as well as he was leading everyone to believe.

"To be honest, I expected him to be a little more aggressive-" Richard stalled, searching her features for a reaction, "I don't think I've ever seen him so... _calm_ before. It's a little disconcerting."

Teyla felt the beginnings of an internal dilemma start to rise. While she agreed with Woolsey's assessment, she found herself unwilling to speak negatively against her leader and bit down thoughtfully on her lower lip, "perhaps he is acting a little out of character but you can hardly punish him for taking a rational approach."

Richard considered the fact. She was right he didn't have a tangible reason to ground the man but that only made his instincts push harder. At least if Sheppard was tearing around angrily he'd have a firmer grasp of the situation. "So in your honest opinion, you think he's coping rationally with the development?"

Teyla opened her mouth to respond but the words fell short. Even though she wanted to defend John, there was doubt in her mind as to whether or not 'coping' was an accurate description.

Woolsey nodded at her silence, "that's what I thought."

"Let me speak with him," she suggested, not wanting to be the cause of such a large decision without at least having something more solid to offer, "if then I can still not confirm his emotional state, I believe that you will have your answer."

Richard gave a tight smile, grateful for her honestly over the matter. He knew it was hard for her to remain unbiased over the matter but he could see she understood his questions were in Sheppard's best interest "I know this isn't exactly easy but we're all working towards the same thing here."

She bowed her head in agreement and he motioned towards the door, "well, I guess I had better leave you to it."

They moved in unison and Teyla crossed her arms, leaning heavily against the wall as he stepped out into the corridor, "goodnight, Mr. Woolsey."

He offered a short wave and she watched him depart with a sigh.

Confronting John certainly wasn't going to be easy but if she were honest, it was well overdue. Since Torren's birth they had spent little time together outside of missions and as she and Ronon had previously discussed, he was not acting his usual self. Granted it had become harder to pick in the weeks that passed following Elizabeth's departure. He'd managed to pull himself together and after Rodney's degenerative illness his missing lack of compassion had even made a return but now her doubt rained down heavily with concern.

He was slipping again, only this time it appeared to be happening harder and faster.

"_Teyla_?"

Lorne gave a loose smile to the women hovering precariously in her the doorway and she immediately straightened. "Major Lorne, you haven't seen Colonel Sheppard by any chance?" He hesitated and she tilted her head in question, "it is quite important."

He acknowledged the comment, glancing down at his watch. Somehow a good seven hours had passed since he'd parted ways with the man and he slipped his hand back up into his pocket, fishing out the Colonel's earpiece. "He's in his quarters," Lorne handed over the small communications device, "but if you see McKay, the both of you just returned from the mainland okay?"

A smile twitched across her lips and she nodded in understanding, "of course."

"Let me know if he needs anything-" Evan offered, still wishing there was more he could do for the troubled Colonel but glad he had a subtle avenue for support. If anyone could get through to him, he knew it was the Athosian women.

Teyla let her body relax, silently showing her appreciation for the remark before he continued on his way. Whether John Sheppard was aware of the fact or not, he wasn't alone. The friends that surrounded him were in abundance and that made her plight all the more easy to undertake.

**

* * *

**

John snapped awake, fear rendering his body immobile as the darkness weighed down across his vision. The sound of heavy breathing pierced the small room and he blinked trying to grasp the situation. He'd been dreaming... _no_, having a nightmare.

Swallowing sharply, he reasserted muscle control lifting his hand to wipe the sweat coating his soaked brow. He couldn't remember exactly what he'd been dreaming just that the remnants left him riddled with panic and anxiety. He should've known better than to take sleeping pills, they always had the same effect drawing out the most vivid and terrifying hallucinations.

Rolling his wrist over he glanced groggily at the time surprised to find a solid amount had passed. Even though his mind still felt exhausted the rest had eased the strain on his weary body and he sighed, fishing himself from the tangle of damp sheets. There was no point trying to get any more sleep. If he was lucky, maybe they'd still be serving dinner in the mess.

A soft chime rang out through the room and he winced, running a terse hand through his hair. It was no doubt it was Lorne coming to check up on him and he pushed himself up, stumbling through the darkness until his hand found the sensor by the door.

It slid back with a whoosh and he frowned in confusion, "_Teyla_?"

Her eyes widened slightly with concern and he glanced down noticing the sweat patch tightening the material over his chest. "Give me a second, I'll just get changed-" he backpedaled, grabbing the pile of clothes that had been tossed carelessly on the floor, before moving swiftly into the bathroom.

Once again he let the bundle fall from his grasp, finding the mirror above the sink with distaste; he looked like _shit__._

Bloodshot eye's stared back from his dishevelled appearance and he turned on the tap splashing a handful of water across his face. He didn't think Teyla would appreciate it if he took the opportunity to shave so instead he hurriedly peeled off the layer of soaked clothes, replacing them with the crumpled ones from the floor.

It would have to do.

Mentally releasing the lock, he stepped out of the small room forcing a tight smile as he flopped down onto the bed, "stopping by for a social call?"

"Major Lorne asked me to return this," Teyla handed over the earpiece before hesitantly lowering herself to the mattress beside him, "and I wanted to come make sure you were okay?"

John nodded slightly, fidgeting with the small device between his fingers, "as you can see I'm perfectly fine, no need to worry." He knew she wouldn't buy into the dismissal and wasn't surprised when her hand landed softly against his shoulder a moment later.

"Mr. Woolsey came to speak with me earlier. He expressed a generous amount of concern over you-"

"Oh he did, did he?" John wasn't sure whether or not he was meant to be offended or touched by the insinuation, "well, I'm sure you set him straight..."

She remained silent and he pushed warningly, "_Teyla_?"

"I could not." The truth escaped reluctantly and she winced as he shot up from the bed.

"And why the hell not?" he raised his arm, flailing it with annoyance. Perhaps he wasn't exactly bouncing off the walls with enthusiasm but he was handling the situation, dealing with it as best he could and neither she nor Woolsey had the right to assume otherwise.

Teyla matched his height keeping her voice calm, "clearly you have not been sleeping well and given your lack of emotion towards finding Elizabeth, I don't believe the concern is unjust."

"_Why_-" hot anger rushed through him at the accusation, "because I'm not buying onto the whole 'it's really her' thing? Forgive me if I want to proceed with a little caution this time around."

She didn't blanch at his forceful tone, determined to stand firm in her resolve. If angering him was the only way to extract the truth then she would adhere to the sacrifice. "It's more than that. You have not appeared yourself in some time, not since we brought Atlantis to this new world."

"Well maybe I'm just a little bit sick of this whole save the galaxy crap!" The reason was far from the underlying problem but it wasn't entirely inaccurate. He was tired of losing people. Every step forward seemed to land them another two back and while he still believed they had a reason to fight, he was desperate to steer Teyla away from the real truth behind his withdrawal.

"You and I both know that isn't really how you feel-" she pressed sensing the lie, "if it was, you would simply pack up and return to earth."

"Believe me..." he let out a puff of frustrated air, "the thought has crossed my mind more than once."

Reacting to his stubborness, Teyla bowed her head preparing to change tactics. Bating him clearly wasn't working but perhaps a subtle threatning advance would draw out the honesty she was looking for. "Very well. If that is what you want I shall make my recommendation that you should not be included in helping to recover Doctor Weir."

Anger seethed within John as the weight of her words slammed him hard, "_wait_! That's what Woolsey came to see you about? You have got to be kidding me!"

Her face held no trace of amusement and he raised his head to the ceiling forcing himself to gain back some control. Until now he hadn't even been sure he'd wanted to join in the search but being robbed of the decision made his desire surge to the surface.

There was no way in hell he was staying behind while they went out to look for her.

"Teyla _please_, I'm sorry _I_-" he stopped, not even sure where to start.

She was right.

At some point he _had _hardened, closed off from the repeated blows they kept being dealt and for a short time at least, it had worked. Every risk they took, every sacrifice was swallowed down with numbness ensuring he could push through to the next problem without emotions getting in the way, but now he could feel the isolation eating away at him. It was like a dark vacuum expanding in his chest and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"Do what you have to-" he staggered back, no longer having the energy or willpower to keep fighting. He was done.

Teyla felt her heart give way as he sunk to the bed. This wasn't what she'd been expecting and the guilt rose thickly in her throat. Perhaps if she'd approached the situation sooner she could have prevented this. "_John_..." she sat beside him, guiding her fingers lightly over his thigh, "we have achieved remarkable things, _together_. Atlantis, Ronon, McKay, we all need you."

A tight frown played on his lips, "great, so... no pressure?"

"You are a fighter, it is in you blood," she reassured him gently, "whatever you think you have lost it is still there, perhaps buried but you can find it again."

"_How_-" he sucked in a deep breath as the question scratched painfully against his throat. He didn't know how to go back, wasn't even sure it was possible... and as he found her gaze the slight whisper that broke his lips held pure desperation, more than he'd ever previously demanded from an answer, "how Teyla, _how _do I do that?"

The raw with pain in his eyes caught her off guard and she swallowed sharply. He was usually so confident and this new vulnerability was a fast blow that left her vision clouded with unshed tears but eventually she found her voice, conveying nothing but honesty, "with help. You are not alone John, together we can figure this out."

He bowed his head, allowing the show of support to ease the tension crushing his chest.

It was almost as if she had taken every one of his deepest fears and placed them calmly in her palm, dispersing the burden between them and for the first time in months it felt like he could breathe again. "I'm sorry," he admitted quietly, "I never meant-"

"I know." She smiled, brushing away the moisture dampening her cheeks with the back of her hand. He was shielding himself from pain, doing what he thought was necessary to survive and while there were certainly more productive methods, she didn't begrudge him the action. "Just promise me you will no longer keep everything to yourself," she pressed gently, "I can help but only if you allow it."

He blew out a long, steady breath. Opening up and acknowledging pain wasn't something he was accustomed to but he had little choice in the matter. Ignoring the problem was no longer working and if he wanted to rise from the consuming guilt then he had to do this, he _needed _to.

"Elizabeth was... I mean she-" he ran a frustrated hand down the side of his face, "Sumner, Ford, Carson... I couldn't stop any of it but I promised myself she'd be different, that I would keep her safe."

"There was no way to prevent what happened." Teyla regarded him sympathetically. There were many times she'd fought her own regret over not joining the mission to the Replicator home world but willing an altered outcome wouldn't change anything.

"There were hundreds of ways, I just didn't think of them," he lent forward on his knees with a bitter release of air. The scenario played out in his head over and over, little things he could have done, _said_... it was as simple as warning her away from the gate room when the city had taken off and to think something so small could have had such an impact was excruciating.

"I couldn't save her," he closed his eyes letting the next breath catch in his throat.

It was getting raw, too honest but she was the reason behind his self-destruction. Every life that had been lost under his command, from earth to Atlantis, had seen parts of him wither away and die but somehow Elizabeth had managed to restore fractions of that loss. She'd persisted in seeing him join the expedition, had shown complete faith not only in his capabilities but also his intentions and it had seeded the belief that maybe he was worth something, that he could make a difference.

He owed her everything and in return all he'd had to do was keep her safe.

"_God_, I didn't think anything could hurt this much-" he breathed in sharply through his nose, blinking back the hot sting of tears that choked his senses. He wouldn't cry but it was the first time he'd openly accepted the guilt and the feeling expanded painfully in his chest.

"You have not allowed yourself to grieve," Teyla pointed out softly, "it is necessary if you are to move forward."

He nodded, finding the discarded earpiece and flexing it absently between his fingers. She was right. When Elizabeth had remained behind on the Replicator planet her fate had been undetermined and denial had become his savior until the time for mourning had come and gone. He'd never dealt with it, not like he should have, and now history seemed to be repeating itself.

"Tell Woolsey I want in on the search." He found a new rise of determination from his past mistakes. If it was the uncertainty that had screwed him over then this time he would welcome the answers, at least then he could strive to find some sort of closure.

Teyla felt an undeniable relief at the once familiar spark, "you are sure?" she questioned, wanting to be absolutely certain she hadn't forced the decision upon him.

"Positive." He confirmed without hesitation, "I need to do this."

She bowed her head in recognition of the comment, "very well, I shall tell Woolsey he has nothing to be concerned about."

He dropped the earpiece, running his fingers down the length of his thigh as her weight lifted from the bed. "Teyla," he paused, finding there were few words to do his gratification justice, "thank you, for everything."

A smile touched her lips at the sincerity lacing his voice. She was now certain that whatever barrier had subtly come between them it had been removed and that was a large release from her own fears. "Just because I have new priorities John, it doesn't mean you are not still one of them. I am here if you ever wish to talk."

"I know-" he offered his own smile, watching her form retreat to the door and as she departed he found the room surprisingly less daunting than it had been in previous months. There were still doubts pressing heavily against his nerves but they were manageable, his emotions no longer suffocated by the four enclosing walls.

He could do this.

He would find Elizabeth and then he would deal with the situation.


	9. Chapter 9

Ronon pounded the metal grating beneath his feet, breathing heavily as the distance before him grew increasingly shorter.

They'd found Elizabeth.

On the thirty-sixth planet Lorne's men had radioed in with the details of a Genii complex located not far from the gate. The building itself wasn't enormous but that being said it twisted into multiple halls, corridors, levels and was heavily fitted with security. They'd agreed, Lorne's team included, that a pair of two could infiltrate where a larger group could not but now that he and Sheppard were inside, time was wearing away rapidly and with all they had to go on being the word of a threatened Genii solider, Ronon felt his nerves prickle uneasily.

"This looks like the place," he came to a sudden stop, panting as he checked to make sure they were still undetected while Sheppard worked on the door.

John turned the knob arching an eyebrow at it's fluid movement, "not locked."

"She's here by choice remember?" Ronon offered the reason, backing himself up against the wall. He could provide cover from the open position but ultimately it all came down to whether or not Sheppard could talk her round in the limited time they had remaining. "You've got about ten minutes and that's if she doesn't raise the alarm first."

He nodded, slipping his gun back into it's holster. It was a risk going in unarmed but he was prepared to take it, not wanting a repeat of their last encounter. "Just keep 'em busy as long as you can-" he took in a short breath mentally preparing himself.

Breaking and entering had been easy, it was something he was trained to do but _this _was going to be the hard part.

His clammy palms found the heavy metal and he pushed slowly, wiping the sweat against his trouser leg as he stepped inside. Despite being large and awkward the door made next to no sound as he carefully closed it again and he turned taking in the room. It was quite spacious adorned with a bed, an offset study and various decorative pieces that led him to believe they were personal quarters. Certainly not Atlantis standard but they did have a sort of homely feel.

A light click alerted his attention to the far left and his pulse quickened as Elizabeth appeared in the doorway to the study completely unaware of his presence. She was busy reading some document and he took the opportunity to take in her form, eyes falling over the standard grey Genii uniform; she definitely looked better in red.

"_Elizabeth_?"

She jumped and he felt for the small dose of sedative through his vest pocket. Hopefully he could talk her round, if not Ronon was going to have some extra weight added to his load for the trip back. "I'm not here to hurt you, I just want to talk."

The paper fell from her hand and she backed towards the dresser, using the chair as a barrier between them, "don't come any closer-" she warned, eyeing her radio. It's position on the table was well in reach but she hesitated. Clearly he had gone to a lot of trouble to breach the base and she was curious to find out why.

"How did you in here?" she pressed, remembering the weapon tucked securely in the waistline of her pants. Hopefully she wouldn't need to use it but the ability to defend herself was a large comfort and she prised her grip from the chair waiting impatiently for an answer.

John took the hesitation as a good sign, "Elizabeth we don't have a lot of time. Come with me and-"

"Seems to be a reoccurring problem with you Sheppard." She cut him off, responding tersely to the demand, "you said you wanted to talk, so _talk_."

He bit back his frustration reaching up into his pocket. Despite the nerves hampering his grip he managed to close his fingers around the object he was looking for. It wasn't the sedative. He had something else he wanted to try first.

Elizabeth reacted instantly to the movement, drawing her gun with steady aim and John flinched, displaying the silver trinket in his hand hesitantly. Just because she'd kept the safety on, it didn't mean he should proceed with any less caution. "It's okay, it's not a weapon..." he reassured gently.

The watch had been his idea, sparked by a comment Rodney had made about jogging her memory with a personal item. Unfortunately most of her things had been shipped back to earth but unbeknown to the scientist there were one or two objects he'd kept. They were reminders, not just of his failure but of _her... _and despite drawing more pain than comfort from them, they'd remained in a box under his bed.

Or at least they had, until two days ago.

Elizabeth eyed the glistening silver, frowning at it's familiar pull. While she did recognise it, the more she tried to focus on the memory the further it slipped from her grasp. "What is that?" she wavered, pointing her gun loosely at the object.

"It's yours." He stepped forward, dropping the watch down to the chair before returning to his previous position. He hoped that by keeping the distance it would place some trust between them. "I don't know the exact significance but you told me your father gave it to you."

She used her free hand, edging the rough material through her fingers. It _was _hers. But just because he was in possession of the trinket, it didn't give her any more reason to trust him and she let the object slip into her pocket, returning the hand back to her weapon, "how did you get it?"

John swallowed sharply, feeling his hope dissipate at her accusing tone. Part of him had naively thought the watch would be enough to convince her of his intentions but clearly it wasn't going to be as easy as that. "You left it behind on Atlantis. There was more but we sent most of it back to earth when we thought-" he stopped short, unwilling to dwell on irrelevant facts. For one they didn't have the time, "look, you don't trust me. I get that... but why would I go to all this effort if I was lying?"

The weapon in her hand shifted slightly. It was a valid point but if he really wasn't the enemy then that meant...

_No_.

Aldran had been so kind and patient, attending to her needs as if they'd been friends for years; it simply wasn't possible that he was the one lying. "The Genii found me," she challenged, reaffirming her grip, "_they_ were out there looking for me."

"That's a lie!" John had to forcibly bite back his anger at the remark. She was testing him and he pushed forward with the truth hoping it would sway her, "maybe they found you but it was purely by accident. Back on Atlantis we were a team and I'm sorry but you don't mean a dam thing to them!"

She shook her head, trying to dislodge the splitting pain that had started throbbing against her temples.

He was wrong.

He had to be.

"Then where were you," she spat, matching his anger, "if I'm supposed to believe that we were a team, that I'm so important? Where were you when I woke up _alone_-" her hands trembled slightly, reeling from the memory of being cold and afraid with no idea who she was. The scene still haunted her and she took a deep breath, willing the anxiety to pass.

"Maybe they weren't looking," she eventually conceded, "but that's hardly a defence if you weren't either."

John felt his chest tighten, letting the admission fall freely from his lips, "you're right."

He _should _have been there. It didn't matter that there was no way he could have _possibly _known she was alive on another planet. Something should have clicked. An instinct, a sign from the ancients, a malfunctioning gate, _anything_. If he'd just found her first then all of this could have been avoided.

Stepping forward, he ignored the click as she released the safety catch from her gun, "_don_'t-" she warned, willing him to stay back.

John didn't flinch as the aim wavered unsteadily beneath her shaking fingers.

If this was the truth she needed, that he would place his own life in her hands without fear or regret, then he would gladly give it to her. "If I could go back knowing that you were out there somewhere then I'd search every inch of _every_ planet until I found that one you were on-" he continued edging closer showing no signs of hesitation, "I only stopped because I thought, because I _knew_, you were gone. It isn't fair to hold that against me."

Elizabeth found tears of frustration clouding her vision as she tried to make sense of the situation. She was losing control, falling into the very trap Aldran had warned about but her instincts fought every rational thought her mind tried to offer.

John Sheppard made her feel safe and that scared the hell out of her.

"Stop, just _stop_," she pleaded with him to stay back but he didn't, drawing to a halt only when the edge of her gun rested lightly against his chest.

"If it helps-" John took a deep breath steadying his voice, "if you think _this_ will help," he motioned between them, "then go ahead."

"_I_-" she faltered, choking on the words. His eyes were serious giving her all the power and she didn't understand, didn't know what she was supposed to do. "_Why_-" her whisper rose in confusion, "why are you doing this?"

The desperation stung him painfully. She should know, should be able to remember that he would do anything to protect her even if it meant forfeiting his own life. "This is _my _fault," he admitted roughly, feeling the emotion claw at the back of his throat, "and I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you_, _that's a promise_."_

_"_So if I asked you to leave-" she let the question hang, doubting very much he would follow the request but at this point willing to try anything. She just needed a little time, some breathing space to come to terms with his overwhelming declarations._  
_

In answer to her question John found the barrel of her gun, lining up the aim from where she'd let it drift, "you'd have to shoot me-" he held her gaze honestly, "because I am _not _leaving here without you."

Elizabeth broke the intensity of his stare, closing her eyes with a hesitant breath. Aldran had referred to him as a cold blooded killer but no man incapable of remorse would be taking such a risk, certainly no member of the Genii she'd previously encountered and she reluctantly lowered the weapon.

John felt a an immense wave of relief flow through him at the action and he swallowed sincerely, "thank you."

"What happened now?" she dismissed his gratitude, only sure she had made the right decision when an all too familiar spark lit up in his eyes.

She recognised the look and for some unknown reason, trusted it.

"Now, we get out of here-" he reached for her hand and she stiffened as the contact sent a familiar jolt running through her body.

_She was cold, wet and he was there... asking if she was okay._

"Elizabeth?"

He shook her from the thought with an urgent tone and she pulled free, breaking ahead of him, "come on, this way-" she opened the door, jumping as a larger man suddenly blocked her path. Recognising him from the Ancient cave she brushed passed with a determined stride. If she was going with them Sheppard was right, they didn't have a lot of time.

"Is she-"

Ronon gestured with his arm and John nodded, "with us, yeah."

"_Good_." The Satedan sensed there was more but didn't press the issue, for now it was all he needed know. That and if they ran into trouble, his stunner was set high enough so that it wouldn't matter.

They moved quickly navigating the halls with more ease the second time round but John couldn't shake the sickening sense of deja'vu that settled against his nerves. The situation wasn't entirely dissimilar from his last mission with Elizabeth and he had to force down the unease in order to concentrate. Something felt wrong; so far they had only encountered little resistance and there should have been at least-

A shot whizzed past his shoulder and he turned firing back down the hall, "we've got company!"

He managed to get off two full rounds before Ronon stopped dead in front of him, encompassed by an electric blue pulse and he ceased shooting as guards closed in on them from either end of the corridor.

"_Elizabeth_..." Aldran pushed forward through the group, feigning a look of surprise, "care to enlighten me as to what you're doing?"

She hesitated, lowering her weapon in an act of faith. While she trusted Sheppard part of her was still naive enough to believe the Genii were also telling the truth, despite it being impossible for both conflicting stories to be correct. "Please understand," she tried appealing to his sense of reason, "this is something I need to do."

Aware she'd been compromised, Aldran didn't bother trying to keep up appearances. Maybe her turn would hamper his abilities to infiltrate Atlantis but it certainly wouldn't damper his personal revenge. "I'm sorry you feel that way," he nodded to the men standing beside him, "take them into custody."

"Wait you can't-"

Elizabeth ground her teeth together as one of the guards grabbed her roughly, earning a defiant protest from John, "_hey_, take it easy!" He begrudgingly surrendered his weapon, narrowing his gaze coldly as Aldran approached him, "don't suppose you'd consider just letting us go?"

The arrogant attitude didn't deter the Genii commander and he smirked, squaring his shoulders, "I'm afraid not Colonel. You see, you and I have a little score to settle."

John felt his stomach lurch at the threat.

Now that Elizabet had doubts he knew all bets were off with Aldran's 'concern' for her well being and their chances of getting back to Atlantis unharmed were diminishing rapidly. "Fine, but at least them go," he nodded towards the rest of his team acting as if it wasn't a futile plea, "they had nothing to do with this."

The smile Aldran gave in response twisted John's insides but his resolve didn't falter. Teyla, Rodney and Lorne's team were keeping a low profile by the gate, hopefully it wouldn't take them long to enact the backup plan and blow the place to hell.

All he had to do was buy a little more time.

Preparing to stall, he opened his mouth but winced as a sharp electrical current travelled through his body throwing the words into darkness.


	10. Chapter 10

Elizabeth drew her knees close to her chest, wiping her cheek against the rough fabric. John had been right. The Genii had lied, deceived her with false stories and once again she found herself back to being scared and alone with no idea who she was. It was like she was waking up on that desolate rock all over again, only this time the situation begged new concern for her safely. After all, Aldran had been telling the truth about one thing; he hated the Atlantis expedition with a fiery passion.

She flinched at the thought, still finding it hard to believe he had turned so frivolously. She had spent nearly four months in his company thinking they were friends, believing everything he told her without question and the very idea that it had all been some elaborate scheme made her skin crawl... if he'd managed to keep up such a facade out of pure spite then there was no telling what else he was capable of.

John stirred in the cell beside her and she brushed the remaining moisture from her face, composing herself as he groggily sat up.

"What happened-" he massaged the base of his neck, remembering the energy weapon with a slight wince, "never mind, where's Ronon?"

She shook her head indicating she didn't know and he forced himself up into a standing position. This was bad, and not just the regular kind of bad that haunted him on most missions. He could already feel the failure creeping up, threatening to swallow him; it was the Replicator home world all over again.

"We need to get out of here-" he set his jaw firmly, moving to inspect the cell. It was fairly standard, nothing compared to the ones hidden beneath Atlantis but it still didn't present a lot of options for escaping and he lashed out, kicking the bars in frustration.

Elizabeth jumped, not sure where the anger was directed but feeling her nerves bristle in response to his tense pacing, "I'm sorry-" she spoke sotly, keeping her head down, "if it wasn't for me you wouldn't be stuck in here."

John turned sharply, feeling the knot in his stomach grow as he took in her huddled position on the ground. He'd been so focused on the situation he hadn't registered the fear playing openly across her features and he immediately relaxed his posture, moving to kneel beside her.

"_Hey_, you have nothing to be sorry for... _Elizabeth_, look at me-" he grasped her shoulder, catching her gaze with forced confidence, "I'm going to get us out of here okay?"

She nodded, smoothing her fingers over the sudden throb in her temple. Everyone one of his actions seemed to stimulate a fleeting picture in her mind and while it furthered her instinct to trust him, it did little to ease the growing tension.

John frowned flattening the palm of his hand against her forehead, "you're warm," he noted with concern, "headache?"

"Yeah," she pushed forward a reassuring smile, "but don't worry, it's just... little things are starting to come back, it's all a bit overwhelming."

His heart skipped a beat at the admission. "You remember something?"

Elizabeth felt the reassurance twist weakly on her face. It was hard struggling to complete the picture of a thousands of scattered images in her head but watching John in front of her now, hanging on to every word out of her mouth, she realised he was just as much a victim as she was. Whatever their relationship had been he'd cared about her, the look in his eyes told her as much.

"Mostly just random flashes-" she let her hand fall down, idly clasping her wrist over her knees, "you don't know who Sedge is?"

He raised an eyebrow, recalling the animal he'd met back on earth. At the time he'd joked that Atlantis would welcome the edition but he'd never dreamed the dog would be brought up again in such a remarkable context. "On earth we take certain types of animals and keep them as companions-" he explained, a hesitant smirk touching his lips, "although I'm a little offended you can remember your dog and not me..."

She felt the expressed need to apologise again but the words stalled at the sound of heavy footsteps approaching.

"It's okay-" John gave her arm a gentle squeeze before returning to his full height. Regardless of whether or not she was the 'real' Elizabeth Weir, in his opinion she'd proved herself to be close enough... and he was going to do whatever was necessary to get her back home safely.

Stepping forward, he squared his shoulders as the squadron of guards that appeared before them. "Afternoon boys."

"Aldran wishes to speak with you," the taller man at the head of the group unlocked the door and John felt some of his fears ease.

The comment had been directed towards him, not Elizabeth, which meant for time being she was in no immediate danger. "Well, better not keep the man waiting-" he stepped out, grunting as he was shoved roughly into the middle of the circle. Two or three guards he might have been able to take but Aldran had obviously learnt from his fathers mistakes, taking out extra insurance.

Hearing the prison door slam loudly behind him, he tried to pay special attention as they started moving through the maze of long twisting corridors. If by some miracle he did manage to evade the triple security detail he would need to know which turns to take in order to get back to Elizabeth_; two left, one right, left, stairs, left, right_-

They eventually came to a stop outside a large, secure room and John swallowed nervously as the group dispersed, spreading out across the hall to stand guard.

Seemed Aldran wasn't the type to take any chances.

The two men that remained suddenly grasped his arms firmly and John watched the one on the left input some kind of code into a keypad on the wall. He pursed his lips together committing the number to memory; _thirty-two, six, eighty-four, seven, seven, two, forty-two, sixty-three, seven, four_-

A loud whoosh sounded as the lock clicked open and he allowed himself to be led in, finding Aldran at the centre of the room with forceful glare, "where's Ronon?"

The Genni commander kept his stance straight, not in the slightest bit intimidated by the Colonel's anger, "he was unnecessary and quite frankly, a nuisance. I _disposed_ of him."

"Oh you did, did you?" John felt his muscles tense in response but refused to give up on his friend quite so soon. If anyone could out fight the Genii and escape unharmed, it was Ronon and to be honest the young leader didn't look like much of a match for the large Satedan warrior.

"I'm only going to ask this once Colonel-" Aldran stepped forward purposefully changing the subject. He wouldn't allow Sheppard to become privy to the knowledge but the aggressive man who had killed three of his men was now unconscious in the forest, acting as bait for the rest of the team he suspected were lurking out there somewhere. If he could get Sheppard to offer up the information freely, he would gladly go back and finish off the job.

"How many of your people came through the gate on this mission?" he demanded, bending his knuckles back with a sickening crack.

John didn't flinch, despite the fact they both knew he would lie, "two, myself and Ronon." He raised an eyebrow, daring the man to make a move. There was no way he was going to give away what might be his last chance at a rescue, so the sooner they got this over with the better.

Aldran sighed, unbuttoning the cuffs of his jacket and rolling them up to elbow length, "I had hoped we could do this the easy way-" he drew his fist back, slamming it into the side of John's face without hesitation. The blow left his fingers tingling and a heavy smirk fell across his lips, "actually that was a lie, this is much more fun."

John spat a mouth full of blood onto the floor, raising his head defiantly, "that all you got?"

"How many people Colonel?" Aldran pressed again, hovering over the slouched man.

"I thought you were only going to ask onc-" John buckled as Aldran's knee came up hard and fast into his chest, sending him straight to the floor. The impact was enough to wind him and he remained still on the ground, struggling to catch his breath, "...about two hundred... so you'd better start run-" another blow to his stomach sent his vision spiraling and he bit down hard on his lip.

He was supposed to be stalling and at this rate he was going to pass out before he'd gained enough time for Lorne to do anything productive. "Okay, _wait_-" he flinched as Aldran's foot hovered inches away from his rib cage, "that's all you want to know?"

Aldran nodded, "I'm sure you can understand the need to protect my base from intruders Colonel."

John grasped his side, hoping the show of pain would make his lie more effective, "just another two, that's it."

"And where are they now?" Aldran narrowed his eyes suspiciously, letting his boot fall back to the ground with a heavy thud. He was half hoping the man wouldn't answer the question and he flexed his muscles in anticipation.

John rolled onto his back, easing the pressure that had start to build in his chest. Lorne's team had enough C4 to blow the entire complex to the ground so he knew they wouldn't have gone back through the gate but it would take a little more than a beating to get him to admit that. "When we didn't check in..." he swallowed tightly, "they probably went... back through for reinforcements."

Aldran regarded the information carefully then swung his boot back, landing it square into John's side. He believed the Colonel wasn't stupid enough to lie but just because he needed the man alive, it didn't mean he couldn't take some enjoyment from inflicting a large amount of physical pain, keeping him just shy of any fatal threshold.

With a subtle nod, he directed the guards to lift the injured man off the floor.

"What...don't tell me... fun's over already-" John panted heavily, letting out sharp cry as his arms were bent forcefully behind his back. He knew it was far from being over but took a small amount of comfort from the fact that he was still at least partially in control. Lorne's position had remained undetected, Elizabeth hadn't been hurt and Aldran was, for the moment, distracted...

If his injuries were the only compromise then he figured that was a fair trade off.

**

* * *

**

Ronon woke, instantly aware of muffled voices to his far left.

Straining to hear a distinction to the sound, it didn't take him more than a few moments to realise they belonged to Genii soilders. What was stranger than their obvious lack of covertness however, was the fact he seemed at no disadvantage to their presence. The hard ground and light noises alerted him to the fact he was outside, the voices belonged to only two men, and his body wasn't restricted in any way whatsoever.

Either they completely incompetent or just plain stupid.

Cracking half an eyelid, he listened to their hushed conversation deciding on the latter assumption.

"_I'm telling you this is a waste of time, if they were going to come they would've done it by now." _

"_We'll maybe if you'd keep quiet!" _

"_Look, I say we kill him and be done with it." _

"_Be my guest, it only took what? -Four- shots to knock him out? Good luck."_

Ronon felt his lips curve in a small smile as their words washed over him, _idiots_... he could take them without so much as a second breath.

Leaping up with a speed neither of the men could've seen coming, he dodged their blasts, knocking each of them down simultaneously. They'd barely hit the ground before he had their fallen weapons in either hand and he stunned them both - pretty much just for the hell of it- before tucking the guns tightly in his waistband.

Now, he needed to find Lorne and _fast_.


	11. Chapter 11

John woke with a pounding headache, struggling to clear his vision as the cell lurched violently around him.

"You shouldn't move-"

Elizabeth appeared in his line of sight and he winced, letting his head fall back to the ground. It was a bad idea, sending the room into another turbulent spin and he blinked repeatedly trying to focus on something other than the pain. In particular, what had taken place while he was unconscious. The fact he didn't know how much time had passed made him uneasy and once the nausea became manageable, he forced his gaze back to her in concern, "what happened, are you okay?"

She frowned in confusion, finding it strange he was so worried about her when he'd been the one beaten within an inch of his life. It was an act she couldn't assimilate with the Genii and she was becoming more and more at ease with the prospect of being on his side and not theirs. "I'm fine, what about you?" she questioned, placing the focus back on his injuries, "where does it hurt the most?"

John stifled a bitter laugh, biting down on his lip as the action sent a wave of pain throughout his body, "yeah... everywhere pretty much hurts equally-" he watched her pale and immediately felt guilty. Sure he had taken a few hard hits from Aldran but he'd certainly wasn't the first time he'd been beaten up.

Sucking in a deep breath, he forced himself to sit up right. "Look Elizabeth, this is nothing..." he shifted, eventually finding a semi-comfortable position resting against the wall, "trust me I've had worse... a few days in the infirmary and I'll be good as new."

She wasn't convinced but sensing her concern was only making things awkward, she raised an eyebrow trying to make light of the situation, "so, have you always been this stubborn?" It earned her an amused smirk and she settled beside him, trying to relax as much as posible under the miserable circumstances.

"You think I'm bad?" He rolled his head back, recalling her own stuborness, "once you got so pissed off with me, I wasn't allowed on missions for nearly a month. I tried every thing I could think of, even did half your reports, you wouldn't budge."

Despite the punishment, there was no animosity behind his tone and she let a small smile grace her lips, "well, I'm sure you were deserving of the treatment."

He coughed slightly, trying to ease the pressure in his chest, "...I did have a hand in blowing up an entire solar system." He conceded, though still silently maintaining it was entirely McKay's fault. "Actually, now I think about it... you're probably going to want to forget that time complete-" a sharp pain twisted in his side and he grimaced, letting out a hiss as it spread upwards.

Elizabeth felt her heart clench in fear as he writhed, trying to escape the burning sensation, "_John_-" she grasped his shoulder as gently as possible, "look at me, I'm right here. Come on stay with me."

He nodded, drawing comfort from her voice as it began to decrease.

"_Okay_," he breathed in slowly, "I'm okay."

Her fingers remained lightly on his jacket, not quite ready to break the contact. The sense of unease was familiar to her and while she couldn't quite pinpoint specifics, she knew with absolute certainty it wasn't the first time she'd found herself in a state of worry over the man.

_He was unconscious, medics performing CPR._

She shook the flash free, both disturbed and unsettled by the image but a sense of how dangerous their work was hung loosely in the back of her mind, "you really weren't kidding when you said you've had worse." It came out as a statment not a question and she recoiled, subconsciouly putting distance back between them.

"Don't worry," he tried to reassure her, "not all our missions are total wipe outs. Every now and then we get something good out of one-"

"_Taranis_?" The word slipped from her mouth before she had time to consider it's meaning.

John knew exactly what it meant.

"Yeah, that's where we found the Orion. How did you-" he faltered at the sound of approaching footsteps and let out a low sigh, "great, here we go again." The clunking came to a halt and he noticed the distinct lack of guards this time round.

"Both of you will come with us."

John bit down thoughtfully on his lower lip. He wouldn't be able to get far fighting them but he still had the vile of sedative in his pocket and if Elizabeth could handle the other two... "Okay, but I'm gonna need some help here-"

"_Wait_." Elizabeth stood up approaching the men, "he's in not condition to-"

John flinched as the first guard caught the side of her face with his gun and shot the man a steely glare, "hey, back off!"

Elizabeth straightened, wincing at the sharp sting across her temple. Clearly given the lack of security detail Aldran didn't consider her much of a threat but he it was on his insistence that she keep up her military training. One she could take, possibly two...

She cast a sideways glance towards John and noticed his slightly raised eyebrow.

He had a plan.

"Like I said-" John stole his gaze away from Elizabeth, returning it to the three men, "I'm going to need a hand." He had to admit, reading a tactical move from Elizabeth wasn't something he was accustomed to but reading her in general, that was a skill he had down to an art.

He knew exactly what she'd been thinking and he slipped his hand covertly into his pocket, waiting until two of the guards hauled him up then with lightning speed he whipped out the vile of sedative, removing the plastic cap and stabbing the man on his left.

Elizabeth reacted in sync, taking town the guard in front of her with a swift kick and using his weapon the shoot the third.

It was over in a matter of seconds.

"_Nice_."

John lent heavily against the wall with a smirk and she flushed, a little uneasy at how in tune they were. "We should get moving," she reached down, grabbing a second stunner and handing it to him before sliding under his arm for support. It was going to be slow moving but at least she knew a few unconventional ways out of the complex.

Clenching his jaw, John tried to ignore the pain burning in his side as they manoeuvred out of the cell, "it wont take Aldran long to figure out we're missing."

She nodded, checking to make sure it was clear before leading them out, "if we take the lower levels it should some buy us some time." The complex consisted of five levels, housing various designated areas but the basement connected up to a system of tunnels that wormed their way outside.

Provided they didn't get lost, it was a viable escape route.

"What about the roof, could we climb down from up there?" John suggested, looking for as many alternatives as possible. Usually he was a 'blast out the front door' kind of guy but being injured meant they would have to try for inconspicuous instead.

"Yes, but why would we-" she stopped, realising what he was getting at. The roof was the last place Aldran would expect them to leave from, boosting their chances of getting away undetected considerably. The only problem was climbing wouldn't be an easy feat in John's condition. "There should be enough grip but manoeuvring might be difficult."

"I can manage." He offered a tight smile, keeping his weight against her to reserve strength.

Once they reached the top he was going to need it.

Elizabeth led them through the complex, moving as quickly as possible around various bends until they reached a junction in the corridor. "That's it, _there_-" she pointed across to a heavy metal door and released her hold, leaving him propped against the wall while she focused on the security pad.

Her fingers danced over the keys, frowning when the input button beeped in rejection.

"_Elizabeth_," John kept his voice hushed as he called out to her, "what's the hold up?"

"My codes not working," she threw back over her shoulder, feeling a wave of deflation. Without the code they had little chance of breaching any of the exits, let alone gaining rooftop access. "Aldran must have implemented his own into the security system I can't-"

"I've got it." John cut her off, glancing around nervously. From his vantage point he couldn't see much but there were no detectable sounds of movement and he momentarily pushed the concern aside, "try... thirty-two, six, eighty-four, seven, seven, two, forty-two, sixty-three, seven, four..."

The door whooshed open and she breathed a sigh of relief turning to question him, "how did you-" the sentence caught as an arm latched around her throat and she dug her nails in trying to loosen the pressure.

Aldran ignored her attempt to squirm free, standing tall as he eyed John arrogantly, "yes Colonel I'm curious, how did you gain access to my code?"

John tensed, berating himself for not heeding his instincts. The Genii commander had lunged from one of the left corridors encased by darkness, giving neither he or Elizabeth any time to react but none of that mattered now. "I've got a good memory-" he pushed off the wall, clutching his gun tightly.

All he needed was one clear shot.

"I wouldn't..." Aldran sensed the movement raising his own weapon against Elizabeth's temple, "I can assure you, I'm a lot quicker than my father."

"Well hopefully, it won't come to that." John reluctantly titled his hands in loose surrender. The last thing he wanted to do was antagonise the man but he still needed a way to free Elizabeth. "Look, we both know how much you like beating the crap out of me. Let her go, we can find a nice little room somewhere... just the two of us."

Aldran smirked at the suggestion. While inflicting more physical abuse on the man was appealing, it wasn't nearly as satisfying as the current mental torture he was inflicting. "Actually Sheppard, I don't intend on causing you more harm. In fact, in a few moments I'll be more than happy to let you walk right out of here."

The glint in his eye sent John's stomach hurtling straight to the floor. Aldran was a military man, born and bred by his father to be a strategist. There was no doubt he knew exactly how to exploit his enemies vulnerability and this instance was no exception.

Elizabeth was _his _weakness.

She always had been. Originally he'd chalked it up as a necessary protection, she was the leader of Atlantis it had been his job to keep her safe but somewhere along the road he'd reached a point where his desire to protect her had come dangerously close to negating all else. It was one of the reasons he'd been adamant about not reviving the Replicator's in her body. Because he knew if she'd become a threat, if he'd had to choose between her and Atlantis... he might make the wrong decision. Those fears had been confirmed in the hallway of the Replicator city. If Ronon hadn't been there, if he'd hesitated for even a second longer then they wouldn't be here now, _standing in the exact same boat_; he mused, the irony not lost on him.

Once again he was falling victim to the emotions that had laid dormant for so many years and he locked eye's with Elizabeth, conveying forced reassurance to keep both her and himself calm, "you don't have to do this."

Aldran tightened his grip feeling an increasing wave of frustration, "not good enough Colonel." He wanted more, in the very least recognition of his fathers wrongful death and he was growing impatient. "I feel an expression of remorse isn't really that much to ask."

"You've got to be kidding me-" he breathed out, instantly regretting the comment as Aldran's trigger finger twitched in annoyance. "All right! I'm _sorry_..." he admitted honestly, "I'm sorry I had to shoot him, I'm sorry I ever met him! But nothing I say here is going to change what happened."

"Well, at least that's something we can agree on." Aldran released the safety catch on his weapon, moving the barrel down along Elizabeth's jaw.

She barely flinched at the contact, maintaining her vice like grip on his arm and he felt a slither of remorse at taking her life. He'd always been impressed by her strength -more so because she had no previous memories of character to refer to- but even so, he'd never allowed his mind to stray far from relevant fact; she was a means to an end, nothing more. "I hope you don't take any of this personally Elizabeth,I truly did find your company favourable."

"If you hurt her-" John's breath latched painfully in his throat, letting the warning hang. He had no leverage, nothing to bargain with and out of sheer desperation he let his defences fall back. He wasn't above begging, not when the stakes were so high. "I can get you supplies, weapons, anything you want! Just let her go, _please_... "

Elizabeth tensed, overcome by a sudden wave of deja vu.

_Cold._

_It was raining._

_John screaming against the wind._

_Kolya, I'll give you a ship... I'll fly it out of here for you myself!_

She snapped from the trance as Aldran's grip tightened around her throat. He was squeezing, forcing the oxygen from her lungs and she fought futilely against a rush of panic as John's protests became further and further away. This was it. The darkness was engulfing her and in a few seconds-

A sudden burst knocked her to the ground and she coughed violently, trying to increase the flow of air as a large weight crushed down against her ribs. Twisting painfully, she managed to prise herself from beneath Aldran's body pushing herself up through a wave of dizziness.

"Elizabeth!"

She backed away from the two men on the ground, startled at John's immediate presence by her side and out of instinct she tuned into his arms.

He winced, ignoring the pain as he drew her away from where Ronon was landing blows into the Genii commander. Under normal circumstances he might have issued a warning, told the large Satedan warrior to ease up but right now he couldn't care less.

"Are you okay," his voice was low, still thick with emotion as he pulled back slightly, "_Elizabeth_?"

She shook her head, still reeling from the ordeal but a familiar response pushed at her lips, "I will be."

"John!"

Teyla's voice accompanied the sound of dense footsteps and he glanced up as she and McKay slowed their jog, breathing heavily from the exertion. "You are injured." She surveyed him with concern, pushing the worry aside at his sharp nod. "Lorne is holding the gate but we must hurry, more Genii are on their way."

"Ronon lets go!" He ignored the curious looks as Elizabeth shifted to support his weight, "Teyla take point, Rodney our sixes-" the scientist looked like he was about to protest until John fixed him with a stern glare, "now McKay!" He understood they were all apprehensive about bringing Elizabeth back but he didn't have the answers, much less an explanation.

All they needed to know -_all he knew himself_- was that she wasn't a threat.

For now, that would have to be enough.


	12. Chapter 12

John woke, prising his eyes open to the harsh lights of the infirmary. He didn't remember passing out, certainly couldn't account for the warm numbness that was seeping through his body but in the short term that didn't matter.

He was home, back in Atlantis... _safe_.

A content sigh broke his lips until the details suddenly hit him with full clarity.

_Elizabeth_.

His hand flew to the emergency button beside his bed, wincing as the action re-established his previous pain. It was like a thousand hot needles pricking his skin from every direction but he ignored it, driving his finger against the buzzer until Jennifer ran into the room.

"Colonel, what's wrong?" she abandoned her clipboard reaching his bedside with concern, "where does it hurt?"

"Elizabeth, is she-"

He faltered, not entirely sure how or _what _to ask and Jennifer relaxed slightly. Clearly he was in no more physical discomfort than was to be expected and the use of the call button had been for a completely different reason, one she was happy to relieve his anxiety over.

"No nanites, no evidence suggesting she's a clone, not even the slightest whiff of alien tampering." She'd run all the tests herself, three times to make sure, and was confident in the outcome, "medically speaking, she's our Elizabeth."

He swallowed, absorbing all the information with precise precision, "what about the amnesia?"

The doctor averted her eyes, reluctant to part with the one downside to the positive news. While physically she was humanly intact, her memory loss had persisted even after returning through the gate and she could find no reason for the cause. The only clue they'd been able to acquire had come from Colonel Carter. After a brief contact Sam had agreed to transfer over the only 'un-ascended' medical references on file and while the information seemingly mirrored Elizabeth's results, it still left far too many questions unanswered. As a doctor she still found it hard to some to terms with a, the plausibility of erasing someones memory and b, the long term effects it might have.

"At this point we're assuming it to be a side effect from un-ascending but there's no guarantee as to how much she'll remember or when-" Jennifer relayed the news gently, "we just need to be patient, give it some time."

John nodded, still feeling a hint of doubt pool in his stomach, "and you're sure about the nanites? I mean really _really_ sure?" The words formed stiffly but he forced them out. If there was any doubt whatsoever then he needed to know.

Jennifer sensed his hesitation and offered him a genuine smile, "one hundred percent Colonel, I even had Rodney confirm the scan."

Though he was momentarily overwhelmed by the fact he instinctively resorted to sarcasm, "and that's supposed to make me feel better?"

"_Hey_!" McKay bristled upon hearing the comment as he entered the room, "genius remember?" He came to a stop beside Jennifer, lightly brushing against her shoulder.

The theory that Elizabeth had un-ascend was now the highest card on the table and he felt unusually lighter at the prospect. Next to finding the clone of Carson and having his best friend returned, it was the best news they'd received in months and it earned a certain amount of his usually reserved optimism, "I just spent an hour with her and trust me that is _our_ Elizabeth in there."

"How's her recall progressing?" Keller turned, curious to see if moving freely through the city had helped to jog her memory at all.

"You know Major-" Rodney clicked his fingers emphatically, searching for the name, "Sandermat? Salderman?"

"Saurellon." John filled in, familiar with the pilot. They had bonded earlier on over the dynamics of manoeuvring puddle jumpers and after seeing his skills in action, John had formed an instant liking for the man.

"_Whatever_..." Rodney dismissed the fact casually, "we ran into him earlier and Elizabeth asked how his pen collection was going. His _pen_ collection! She can't remember me being head of science and research yet she knew some arbitrary fact about a guy I didn't even know existed!"

Jennifer tilted her head slightly, considering the fact. It made sense that smaller details would be more forth coming and they still don't know what happened to her while she was with Oberoth. It was highly possible that subconsciously she didn't want to remember. "I know it's frustrating but imagine how it feels for her?" she shot Rodney a pleading look, "just try and be patient."

John regarded the pair, shifting awkwardly as he pushed aside the confining blanket, "McKay, where is she?"

Jenifer turned her attention away from Rodney, fixing the Colonel with a stern glare. "You're in no condition to be moving around yet-" she lightly guided his shoulder back down the mattress, "when you're feeling up to it we'll arrange a visit but right now you need to rest."

As soon as the words left her mouth she knew there was very little chance he was going to accept the demand and she read the same confirmation from the man standing beside her. However stubborn she thought she could act, it didn't hold a candle to the determined military leader.

"Fine." She reluctantly settled on a compromise, "Rodney and I will find her on our way to lunch, fair?"

He let out a sigh, wincing as the breath caused a crack in his chest. Whether he deemed it fair or not it seemed his body had either ideas on escaping. "Yeah, okay..." he rolled his gaze to the side, having just enough energy to squint purposefully at McKay.

Rodney understood immediately; the look meant if he didn't follow through with finding Elizabeth there'd be hell to pay. "Right," he slapped his hands together trying to avoid the awkwardness, "lunch, _great _I'm starved!"

Jennifer smirked slapping his stomach, "hardly."

He pouted, finding the small of her back and pushing her playfully from the room. "If you're so concerned, I can think of ways to work it off-" her soft laughter guided them into the hall where he indicated left with his thumb, "Elizabeth's temporary quarters are this way."

"Yeah..." her mouth twisted into an apologetic smile, "I kinda lied, we're not getting her."

His face fell slightly, not wanting to leave John without keeping good on his word. "You know he's just going to get up and go look for her himself?" He pointed out knowing how impatient his friend was in particular when it came to matters regarding Elizabeth.

"I'd anticipated his unwillingness to stay in the infirmary," she admitted with a hint of pride, "it's why I had the nurse up his dosage of morphine just before he came to. I'd say he's already fallen back back asleep."

"_What_, but you can't, I mean that's-" he stopped, unable to come up with exactly _what_ it was. Sneaky and devious did come to mind but they seemed a little harsh for the circumstance.

Jennifer stepped forward grasping his arm gently, "_look_, you and I both know he needs rest and given everything that's going on-" she alluded to Elizabeth, "conventional methods were always going to fall short. The important thing is his body is recovering."

Rodney nodded in agreement completely swayed by her words, "you know I find this persuasive side of you incredibly sexy."

Her laughter once again encompassed the hall and he had no problems following her to alleviate the hunger starting to build in his stomach.

OO

* * *

OO

Elizabeth stopped sharply, letting out a sigh as Lorne failed to react and bumped into her roughly.

"Sorry Doc."

He offered an apologetic smile and she forced down the wave of annoyance, motioning towards the mess hall, "I was just going to grab some lunch. You don't have to worry, I can manage..." she watched a brief look of uncertainty flash across his features.

He'd been ordered by Woolsey to keep an eye on her, make sure she found her way around, didn't get lost, that sort of thing... but when he failed to budge even at her insistence, she got the impression he was acting as more of a security detail and the realisation left her uneasy.

It was a precaution, she understood that but without so much as a little space to breathe, she was becoming increasing agitated. "_Evan_-" she used his first name deliberately softening her tone, "I understand the position you're in but I just need a few moments. I promise I'm not going to go anywhere."

He nodded, reluctantly caving under her warm gaze. It hadn't taken him long to figure out Woolsey's fears were unwarranted, she _wasn't_ a threat but he'd wanted to keep close by regardless. Without her memory she seemed so vulnerable and Sheppard would kill him if anything happened to her under his watch.

"You need anything, I wont be far away."

"Thank you-" she let out a breath, turning to enter the mess hall.

Out of all the places in the city she found this one to be the most familiar which according to McKay was strange because with her busy schedule she'd barely found time to frequent it. Still, there was no denying the comfort as she randomly gathered an assortment of food and proceeded to find a quite table at the back of the room. The chair was uncomfortable as she sat down but it stirred a feeling of ease. It felt... she shook her head unable to place it, whatever had brought her here it was just as allusive as her memories.

Slipping a plastic knife and fork from their plastic packaging she suddenly froze, staring intently at the cutlery...

_**'We're not leaving you behind!' **_

_**'If you don't leave now, none of us will get out so go... that's an order" **_

She snapped up in her chair taking a deep breath as she closed her eyes.

It was right there, so close.

_**'Elizabeth!'**_

"_**Go!' **_

A stifled gasp escaped her lips as the plastic fell from her hands.

**_Oberoth. _**

Breathing became next to impossible and she clasped the table in a wave of panic. It was all there, rushing back to her with a dizzying speed that left her nausea. Stepping through the gate to Atlantis, finding the Athosians, Simon, the wraith, her mother, Michael, _everything_.

"Elizabeth what happened, what's wrong?"

Lorne was by her side frowning in concern and she hitched, fighting the onslaught of memories, "I _can't_... oh my god-" her knuckles curled, trying to drive out the pain pounding her head. It was excruciating and she wavered as black spots danced across her vision.

"Breathe, in and out slowly-" he instructed, accutely aware of the attention she was gaining. Not wanting to cause a panic, he turned waving down the concerned looks surrounding them, "it's okay she's fine. _Elizabeth_-" he found her gaze again, squeezing her shoulder gently, "come on, we should get you to the infirmary."

He winced as she gripped his hand forcefully.

"I can remember-"

The throbbing pain ebbed into a wave of relief as she gained control over her laboured breaths. It was so surreal. She could remember _not_ remembering, being clueless as to who she was, allying herself with the Genii... the thought nearly made her violently ill but she held it in, holding on to the thread of composure.

"It's okay, take it easy-" Lorne rubbed slow circles over her back, disturbed by her sudden lack of colouring. He knew from personal experienced some of the things they witnessed were a lot to take in and she had, without a doubt, some extensive horror's buried in her subconscious. "You're going to be fine, this is a _good_ thing."

She nodded, drawing strength from his words, from _him_.

This whole week she'd been unable to place his presence by her side, assuming the security detail was because she was perceived as a threat. It had never entered her mind that he was there out of duty to their friendship or that he had just been concerned.

"Thank you-" she sucked in a deep breath, "I'm so sorry I couldn't, I wasn't-"

"_Hey_," he was quick to admonish the apology, "you have nothing to be sorry for, none of this was your fault." It was an enormous relief to witness her recognition and he squeezed her hand, smiling when she relaxed into the contact.

"Sheppard's gonna love this," he motioned towards her plate trying to lighten the mood, "you remembered him over steak and gravy."

Elizabeth felt her heart skip a beat. John, Rondey, Teyla, Ronon... _god, how she'd missed them all_.

Lorne watched her eye's flash and felt his smile widen, "it's okay, after you get checked out we can-" as if on cue, Rodney's current grievance reached them across the mess hall and he watched Elizabeth rise up, finding the man through the small crowd and and engulfing him in a firm hug.

The scientist bristled, a little intimidated by the contact until the only possible explanation dawned on him, "Elizabeth?" a grin cracked across his face, "this is... you remember right? Not that I don't like to, I mean..."

Elizabeth breathed in the familiar ramble, squeezing him a little tighter, "Rodney, you're ruining the moment."

Relief washed over him as they pulled a part, despite feeling Jennifer tense beside him as she switched into doctor mode. "You're not feeling any strange side effects," the blonde women pressed with concern. Elizabeth's face was beyond pale and her hands were trembling slightly but then given everything, a little discolouration and nerves were probably to be expected.

"I'm okay," Elizabeth took a deep breath, trying to convince herself of the fact. She honestly didn't know what she was feeling or how to explain it but for the first time in a long while she was at ease in her surroundings and that was at least something.

Jenifer smiled in reassurance, "all the same, I'd still like to run some tests..."

McKay's eyebrows shot up in annoyance, "but what about-"

"I'll take good care of her Rodney," she glanced towards Lorne, "maybe the two of you could have lunch together instead?"

Elizabeth felt a wave of sympathy for the Major but before she could offer an alternative Jennifer had her moving towards the door.

Maybe she wasn't okay, not yet...

But she would be.

OO

* * *

OO

**AN: Thanks to everyone for all the lovely reviews! :0) I wasn't really happy with this chapter but for the sake of moving on I've decided to post it anyway. Let me know what you think & if perhaps a re-write is in order?**


	13. Chapter 13

Elizabeth felt her heart clench as she watched John twist uncomfortably under the standard issue sheets of the infirmary. She'd deliberately left seeing him till last well aware that he was still recovering but his current state made her almost regret the decision.

He was dreaming.

Although judging by his incoherent mumbles and sweaty completion, it was more likely a nightmare and she reached out smoothing her fingers over his damp forehead.

He fought so hard to keep a strong exterior in place but deep down she knew he was just as susceptible to loss and failure as anyone. There was no doubt in her mind he harboured more guilt than most of the begrudged Colonel's on Earth who would've kept him from the command. That was one of the reason's why she had pushed to keep him as Atlantis' military commander. He was a good man, one who didn't deserve half the things he was forced to endure.

She retracted her hand with a sigh, lowering herself to the chair by his bed and when he continued to thrash about, ignorant of her presence, she lost her internal debate and sought out his hand under the thin blanket. To her surprise he jerked away from the contact and she frowned slightly, "_John?_"

The soft call of his name had no effect and Elizabeth found his fingers again, raising her voice, "_Colonel Sheppard_." This time he snapped awake at the command and she drew back, watching his eyes glaze over in confusion. "It's okay," she reassured, "you're in the infirmary,"

John recognised the tone and nodded slightly, discerning between reality and the vivid images from his nightmare. He couldn't remember exactly what he'd been dreaming, just that the physical pain upon waking was worth every discomfort if it kept him from returning to the unwelcome darkness.

"_...lizbeth_-" his voice was hoarse and she reached for the water by his bed, handing it over with a hesitant smile.

"Sorry," her fingers dropped awkwardly, "I didn't want to wake you."

He took a sip wincing as it burnt his dry throat but the result was entirely worth it, "no-" the words slipped out with relative ease, "I'm glad you did. " He handed the cup back and she returned it, letting her gaze fall over him in concern.

Feeling uneasy under her stare he raised an eyebrow hoping to distract her, "so anything interesting happening out there-" he glanced towards the door, noting the absence of any security. Not that he wanted her to feel threatened or intimidated but the presence was more for _her _safety than anything. "Where's Lorne, I thought he was-"

"_John_."

Something about her tone caused his eyes to snap back to her. It was authoritative but friendly and laced with just the slightest hit of annoyance, entirely _Elizabeth_. Searching her expression he found it void of all previous confusion and his chest tightened in response, she looked... _herself_.

"You're-"

"_Me_, yes..." she conceded, a light smile twitching at her lips, "although I suppose I always have been, just lacking a certain something."

He took a deep breath trying to calm his nerves, "_when_?"

"A little while ago, I would have come sooner but you needed the rest." She admitted, fidgeting briefly with her hands. He had risked his life to keep her safe, bring her home but now he was suffering the consequences and the guilt rested heavily on her shoulders. "John, what you did-"

"_Elizabeth-_" he cut her off with no interest in defending his actions. Everything he'd done had been in silent anticipation of _this_ moment and he removed himself from the tangle of sheets, ignoring the look of protest that flashed across her features.

"John, you should stay in bed..." she rose from the chair, lightly placing her fingers against his shoulder. Wherever he thought he was going the chances of him making it there were slim and she fixed him with a firm stare hoping to dissuade the attempt at movement. "You need to rest."

He winced as the room tilted sharply but didn't relent, reaching out and drawing her closer.

Elizabeth sucked in a breath as he wound around her waist, pressing his head against her stomach and once the shock subsided she returned the embrace, lightly stroking his hair in a soothing fashion. It was rare to see him display a need for physical contact and if she were honest, it was a comfort to herself as well.

Something they _both _needed.

"Thank you-" she whispered gently, allowing the sentiment to sink in and he pulled himself together, reluctantly returning the distance between them.

"Sorry," he found her gaze with an awkward smile, "I just-"

"I know, me too." She breathed out as he found his way back into the small bed. They had a lot to talk about, issues that should have been resolved a long time ago but for now he needed to rest and she hesitantly motioned over her shoulder, "I should really-"

"Stay." He almost regretted the plea as it slipped from his mouth but he wasn't ready to let her out of his sight, not yet.

Elizabeth swallowed her doubt, wordlessly returning to the chair beside his bed.

Even though his eyes were already closing in defeat, she still felt a rush of emotion just from being in his presence and she wiped the moisture that had started to rain across her cheeks. After what felt like an eternity of long winded suffering, the relief was overwhelming.

_She was home. _

And right now, there was nowhere else in the city she'd rather be.


	14. Chapter 14

John fidgeted aimlessly with the food on his plate, paying little attention to the conversation that was going on around the table. He was too preoccupied, mentally trying to calculate the time that had passed since he'd last checked his watch and he shifted awkwardly, trying to resit the urge to look again.

"Try to relax John." Teyla could feel the tension brewing across the table and did her best to reassure him, "we will know of their answer soon enough."

He nodded letting out a short breath. Elizabeth had been locked in Woolsey's office for nearly an hour deliberating with the IOA over a permanent position in Atlantis and while everyone was feeling the strain, he was fast reaching a point where it was starting to test his nerves.

"They won't send her back-" Ronon shoved a piece of steak in his mouth swallowing it down with a large gulp, "if they try, they're going to have to get through a lot of angry people."

John pushed his fork idly through the pile of chips in front of him. Just because there were members expedition who would protest the decision, it didn't necessarily mean the IOA would listen. After all, they'd shipped Colonel Carter back to earth without so much as a goodbye, an indication that whatever their agenda it wasn't in line with making friends.

He dropped his fork to the table in annoyance, "I just don't get what's taking so-"

_"John."_

Teyla directed her gaze over his shoulder and he turned, finding Elizabeth in the doorway. Her expression was unreadable giving nothing away and he took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as she joined them. "How did it go?" he tensed, preparing for the worst as she lowered herself to the table.

"Seems I passed with flying colours..." Elizabeth let a smile breach her lips she reached across to steal one of John's fries, " apparently they feel they could use someone around with refined negotiating skills."

He closed his eyes fully absorbing the news_. _In all honesty he hadn't been expecting the turnout and the realisation that she was staying was nearly incomprehensible. "_That's_-" his breath caught in a wave of relief, "good, that's _great_."

Teyla pushed her plate aside regarding the women with her own pleased expression, "we knew they would eventually settle on the right decision. Had they not, they would have had a sufficient fight on their hands."

Elizabeth warmed under the comment, nodding her head slightly. The abundance of support from varying members of the expedition had come as a large surprise. Even though she didn't recognise half of them now, it was a testament to their character and the leaders that had take over in her absence. "Thank you Teyla, that means a great deal."

"Sheppard thought you were out-" Ronon continued to scoff down his meal, wincing as the Colonel gave him a sharp elbow to the ribs but the act was more amusing than it was painful and he smirked, burying his head in a forkfull of mashed potato.

John narrowed his gaze folding his arms defensively over his chest, "I didn't say that."

Elizabeth stole another of his fries raising an eyebrow, "what happened to being optimistic?" She smiled lightly, alerting him to the fact she was just teasing. Even though the outcome had been a positive one, she was well aware of how anxious he'd been over the decision.

John merely shrugged his shoulders in response, "well it's not like the IOA to actually make a right call for once. I mean come on, they let chewy stay..."

The large Satedan grunted something illegible and she bit back a smirk, finding herself in agreement with at least part of the comment. A few years ago the thought of an IOA member taking her job seemed ludicrous but after having some time to adjust to the idea, she'd found the situation had very much accommodated his role. "Mr. Woolsey put forward a strong recommendation on my behalf-" she tilted her head slightly, "he seems to have earned a fair amount of respect from both parties."

Ronon's gaze lifted from his plate briefly, "it's not going to get weird between the two of you right?"

A kick to his shin jolted the remaining food off his fork and he eyed the women opposite him sharply, "_what_?"

Teyla simply shook her head at his bluntness. They were all adjusting the development and it was clear by the way she fidgeted, Elizabeth had grown uncomfortable under the comment. Obviously she was still coming to terms with the ramification that although she was allowed to remain in Atlantis, her responsibilities and priorities no longer laid solely with the occupants of the city as they once had.

"It will certainly be an interesting adjustment-" Elizabeth admitted, toying absently with the edge of the table, "but it's more than I would've anticipated given the circumstances."

John sensed the subtle shift in her body language and caught her eye, cocking his head slightly, "you want to take a walk?"

She nodded, brushing the remnants of salt from her hands as she stood up. After they excused themselves, Teyla took the opportunity to set her gaze back on the large Satedan man who was finishing the last of his meal. "There are certain circumstances where a little tact is beneficial."

He grunted, pushing his now empty plate to one side, "I've never had much time for it personally."

Teyla let out a sigh, sensing it was a moot point. He was a man of few words reliant on impact and Elizabeth, she would eventually find her place with confidence. "Come on," she grasped his arm lightly, "I believe you agreed to help me look after Torren today..."

OO

* * *

OO

"You know he didn't mean anything by that?" John stuffed his hands loosely into his pockets as they crossed out onto the unfamiliar balcony. It was smaller than their usual spot, opening up from one of the more secluded corridors and it narrowed into a point overlooking the city. He liked the ocean view but it was a nice change of scenery and he relaxed against the banister.

Elizabeth stretched her fingers over the cool metal, bringing her shoulders into line with his, "I know, its just going to be _different_."

She took a moment to consider the change, both excited and a little saddened by the prospect. While it did open up doors for more active participation in gate travel and meeting new cultures, it also meant she no longer had control over decisions relating to the city. "For one, I can't order you around any more-" she nudged his shoulder lightly, warming under the glint that flickered through his gaze.

"Come on," he raised an eyebrow, "we both know I never really listened any way."

She smiled at the comment, casting her eyes back out over the city. It was true. There were many occasions she could recall him disobeying direct orders, putting his life at risk for her sake as well as Atlantis'... but back on the Replicator home world he'd proved something she had almost deemed him incapable of.

He'd trusted her.

"I never thanked you, not just for finding me but when I-" she swallowed hard, refusing to let herself choke on the words,"when I ordered you to leave, I know it wasn't an easy decision and I-"

"_Elizabeth_." He breathed in tightening his grip over the rail. No matter how she tried to justify it, the mission would always be an open wound and her attempt at reassurance was like adding salt to the mix. The best he could hope for was trying to forget and even then the pain was only ever dulled.

She frowned, closing her fingers over his ridged grip. When she'd given the order for him to leave she hadn't had time to think of the consequences or the fact he would harbour the guilt for years to come. Her primary objective had been to keep him... _Atlantis_ safe, and it was only now she could see the lasting damage.

He _had_ trusted her and she'd ripped his heart wide open.

"I never meant, I mean I _didn't_-" she faltered, sensing the words were bringing more pain than comfort. "I'm sorry... I'm _so _sorry."

Her apology expanded in his chest and he bowed his head letting out a slow breath. Her fault/his fault, they could play that game until the cows came home but it wouldn't change what happened. All they could do was move forward and he shifted nervously, almost terrified by the prospect. "There's something I need to tell you-" he swallowed sharply, loosing the courage to continue and Elizabeth let her hand fall away, alert to the seriousness behind his tone.

"Okay-" she pressed gently, "what is it?"

"I..." parting his lips, he found the words stall before they could fully form. He'd never been good at talking, even less so when it came to emotions but this was important. He'd been given a chance to right the years of accumulative regret and just as McKay and Doctor Keller had discovered, there were certain advantages to no longer being under the same chain of command.

Elizabeth sensed his hesitation and turned her body to forcibly gain his attention. When When he finally reacted she was momentarily caught off guard by the intensity behind his eyes but whatever emotion they were trying to convey it was lost to her and she frowned, "_John_-" she questioned softly, "what is it, what's wrong?"

"These new circumstances, we're not... I mean-" he faltered, losing traction with the thought, "you and I, we aren't..." a frustrated sigh ended the ramble and he turned back to the city's view. In his mind the explanation formed perfectly but it disintegrated rapidly in translation, subconsciously held back by the fear of rejection. He wasn't an arrogant man but usually he didn't have this sort of problem with women, not after Nancy at least.

After their marriage had ended he'd committed himself the fact he just wasn't long-term material and with a history of brief flings to go by, the assessment had been proved accurate. If there was chemistry so be it, if not, that was fine too... all he had to do was follow the neatly contrived three box strategy system.

Never going to happen.

Possible sex.

Friend.

But Doctor Elizabeth Weir, against his own common sense, didn't fit solidly into any of those categories. She was one of his best friends and even though it _should_ never happen, he wanted it to. She had become the exception to his fail-safe system.

"I _want_-"

More, was the word that hovered on his tongue but it seemed inadequate and he shifted hoping she would recognise at least part of what he was trying to convey but her expression remained blank and he sighed, "you know what, to hell with this-"

Elizabeth tried to take a step back as he moved but the small confinements saw her pressed against the side railing instead. Effectively trapped, she made no attempt to free herself from the situation as his mouth forcefully descended upon her, letting the kiss speak for his failed words. Somewhere in the back of her mind she rated the experience as exceeding expectation, confirming her suspicion that what he lacked in literary skills, he entirely made up for in other areas.

She'd caught a hint of it after being taken over by Pheebus but this was different. _He'd_ been the one to act, initiating the move with concise control and there was no hesitation or holding back. This was John Sheppard in his element and as his thumb lightly traced the exposed skin beneath her shirt she shivered, failing to comprehend how he was capable of the action when she could barely find the concentration to remain standing.

John felt her tremble and discontinued the exploration, sliding his hand around and setting it against the small of her back. His body prickled from the contrast of heat radiating and the cool rush of air but didn't retract, spreading his fingers further along and enticing another shiver. The fact she hadn't protested his advance suggested she was either in shock, or agreement with his choice of expression and he hoped for the latter as he reluctantly forced his lips to break from the kiss.

"_Elizabeth_-" he found her glazed over expression breathlessly, too scared to enforce the smirk that he usually would have worn under such circumstances.

She swallowed, taking a moment to collect herself and reassess the situation but her mind lacked the necessary comprehension and a "_Wow_" was all she could manage, blushing furiously under his scrutinising gaze.

Satisfied she wasn't going to slap him or enforce any other unpleasant action, John released his grasp taking a step back. He hadn't planned the kiss, far from it actually... he'd merely wanted to raise the issue, start by slowly introducing the idea but as per usual his rash decision making skills had once again landed him in an awkward turnabout. "I'm sorry," he ran a hesitant hand through his hair, "I probably shouldn't have done that."

"Probably not-" she conceded, partly wishing the logical side of her brain had remained dormant, "but that's not to say it wasn't enjoyable or in the very least necessary. I did ask you what was wrong."

He breathed out, finding his previous place at the rail. Now that she knew what was going through his mind, he didn't see any option but to discuss it and that fact played nervously against his better judgement. If they couldn't sort something out, if she wasn't interested or ready... it would leave them in an uncomfortable position.

Elizabeth returned to his side, feeling a little overwhelmed but doing her best to understand his advance, "so that, _this_-" she indicated between them, "is the problem?"

He nodded silently, trying not to flinch as her body took up the vacant space by his shoulder. Her closeness was disarming and knowing her as well as his did, he had to wonder if the maneuver wasn't intentional, trying to throw him off balance so the answers would come more readily.

Elizabeth clasped her hands together, considering the unexpected situation. She had always cared for him, more than she'd deemed acceptable given their line of work but she couldn't help wondering whether his admittance was born from guilt over failing to keep her safe. As much as she hoped that wasn't the case if he was misplacing his emotion over her return then she couldn't allow herself to take advantage of those feelings. "How long have you-" she paused, choosing what she felt was the most appropriate term, "_felt_ this way?"

"Oh, you know... quite a while now." He brushed the comment off casually, unprepared to admit it was from the second they'd stepped through the gate to Atlantis. Perhaps he hadn't realised at the time but looking back at everything they'd been through together the signs had always been there, he'd just been too preoccupied to notice.

Elizabeth frowned at the broad response. It didn't serve to deny or confirm any of her suspicions and she continued to push him gently, "you never said anything?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not exactly a poster board for feelings." He retorted quickly, losing his focus over the city for a moment, "and things are different now, every body's comfortable... I mean, look at Teyla she has a kid now and even McKay's found time to date someone."

She winced, feeling the sting of his words. Even worse than a confused proposition was the possibility that he was just looking for someone to fill a void, "so you're lonely?"

"_No_, I'm not!" his hands curled in frustration, forcing himself to push out an explanation. He hated talking, being honest but this was one situation where it was unavoidable. "I _like_ being alone-" he admitted reluctantly, "at the end of the day I don't need to worry about screwing up, hurting anyone and that's usually enough to keep me away from relationships but _you_-" he shook his head, letting the words slip free, "I've tried to tell myself a hundred times it would be better if I could just let it go and then, after we lost you... I thought it would get easier but It didn't, it _hasn't_-"

He closed his eyes, letting the breeze wash over his flushed features, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be saying this... it's too soon and I'm just-"

"_John_." Elizabeth interrupted his lead into another ramble, closing her fingers lightly over his shoulder. The doubt she'd been feeling was gone, replaced by a desire to ease his pain over the truthful words. Maybe his answer hadn't offered her the exact clarity she was looking for but he was trying, and that was enough to convince her. "I just wanted to be sure, that you wanted this for the right reasons... that's all. I wasn't saying no."

His gaze shot to her in surprise, "you weren't?"

She shook her head, smiling with amusement as she slid her hand down his arm. She wanted this and as he'd pointed out, there was no reason why they couldn't. After everything she'd been through she didn't feel a little happiness was undeserved.

John took a moment to relax under her touch, letting the full weight of her words sink in. "You're sure about this?" he questioned hesitantly, needing the confirmation. He wasn't a man that did things by half and if she was serious about them, it wouldn't just be some fling.

Taking a leaf out of his book Elizabeth found his lips in answer.

She had never been more sure about anything in her life. Whatever Atlantis had to offer her now, however challenging her new role would be... she was going to enter it safe in the knowledge that they could adjust,_ together_.


	15. Epilogue

John hovered in the doorway to Teyla's room taking a moment to watch the two occupants with an amused smile. He'd been searching for Elizabeth everywhere before remembering her offer to babysit and sure enough he'd found her doing just that.

"Having fun?" He announced his presence with a slight cough, crossing the threshold to join them.

Elizabeth turned, bouncing the young child in her arms with a smile. "Look Torren, it's Colonel Sheppard. He's been busy writing up reports, yes he has-" she cooed at the infant, directing her gaze towards John with a raised eyebrow, "or at least that's what he _should_ have been doing."

He smirked, forcing the gesture into an innocent smile as he reached her side. "No one ever taught you the art of procrastination did they?"

Torren gurgled happily at the comment and she sighed, shifting him to sit more comfortably against her chest. "Teaching him bad habits is only going to get you into trouble with Teyla..." she pointed out matter of factly, though there was humour behind her voice, "I don't know who's influence is worse yours or Rodney's."

"_Hey_, at least I've never dropped him!" John protested the insinuation, glancing further around the room. "Where are the proud parents anyway? Shouldn't they be back from the mainland by now?"

Elizabeth shook her head, letting her attention fall back to the young child. He seemed content with blowing spit bubbles, oblivious to his mother's absence and she silently hoped he remained that way. Babies somehow lost their cuteness when they started screaming blue murder. "They called in about an hour ago and I told them not to hurry. I imagine it's hard for them to find time alone together with this little guy being so cute and all."

"-and of course it had nothing to do with wanting to play babysitter?" He motioned with his hand, amused by her playful tone. She seemed to have a natural flare for parenting but as comfortable as the scene felt, it wasn't something he was looking to replicate any time soon.

"Relax John." She sensed where the conversation was headed and glanced up at him, "as much as I'm enjoying this, I take great comfort in the fact I can give him back at the end of the day."

"That's a relief-" he caught the look she shot him and mentally kicked himself. "Not that I don't want... it's just, being _here_ and..." the words died in a jumble and he flinched, settling his hand against the small of her back, "that came out wrong, you know what I mean..."

While neither of them were ready to start a family in the near future, the fact he wasn't opposed to the idea was comforting and she filed the topic away for discussion at a later date. "I do, I just like seeing you get all worked up," she conceded with a smirk, suprised that he was so easily flustered by the topic.

"Well, there are far more enjoyable ways..."

He stepped forward, spreading his fingers further along her hip and she stiffened, playfully admonishing him, "John I don't think right now is entirely appropriate, do you?"

"What?" He raised an eyebrow, directing his gaze to the young child in her arms. "It's not like he's going to say anything-" there was no indication the kid was unsettled by his close proximity and John found a light smile touching his lips. With such a rewarding gene pool and calm persona, the infant was definitely going to be a little heart breaker.

"_No_-" Elizabeth brought him back with a firm tone, "but it'd probably traumatise him for life and I'm not explaining to Teyla why her son can no longer sleep through the night."

A sigh broke his lips and John reluctantly let his hand drop but still remained contently in place. He'd never really thought about it before but if he and Elizabeth ever did decide to start a family their child would be a shoe-in. So long as he, _or she_, took after their mother and didn't inherit his knack for getting into trouble...

Elizabeth watched his eyes start to glaze over and nudged him gently, "not getting clucky on me are you?" She offered the insinuation with a smile, bouncing Torren as he spat yet another bubble out.

John tilted his head, not ashamed to voice his line of thought. "Well you have to admit a littler version of us running around would be kind of cool. With my hair and your-" he waved motioning towards her in general, "_...everything else, _world domination would be a snap_."_

"A snap?" Her lips twitched in a light smirk. "Well then, it's a good thing we're going to hold off for a while."

Torren reached out and John found the small hand with his own, jiggling the tiny fingers. "Yeah, you're probably right. We should wait and see how much trouble this one causes first."

Elizabeth smiled fondly at the child, watching his eyes draw into narrow slits before he reluctantly prised them back open. He was getting tired and after a few more sluggish repeats, she curled his hand away from John and bounced him over to the wooden crib Teyla had set up.

John watched her tuck him in, feeling a swell of pride at how accomplished she was with the task. Given everything she'd been through, the memories she had to live with, the nightmares... it was a near miracle she had come out the other side able to function at all. But here they were, close to a month since her 'official' return and she'd exceeded everyone's expectations and he couldn't be more proud.

Finding his feet, he shuffled across letting his hands slip around her waist.

She immediately relaxed into the contact and he sighed, resting his head against the crook of her neck, "_I love you_..."

The words came out smothered by their close contact and he squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn't meant for the admission to slip out but it was too late to take back now and sliding his arms further around, he clasped his wrists lightly over her stomach, "was that too much? I mean, I don't want-"

"_John_-" she was surprised to find her voice chocked with tears and slowly turned, tracing her nails over the soft cotton of his shirt.

A crease worked it's way into the lines of her forehead as she stalled over his heart, feeling the rapid thud beneath her fingertips. He was nervous, poised on her reaction and the realisation left her warm with reassurance. _She did this to him._ Not some young attractive alien women that held true to his reputation, not even his friends who struggled to break through his tough solider act. _She_ was the reason his emotions were out in the open, subject to being torn a part... and the fact he held them there none the less, only confirmed what she already knew.

She loved him too.

Smiling through her tears, she found a lighter tone with a soft laugh, "_sorry_, I...I kind of figured that part out. Just waiting for you to catch up..."

Letting out a breath, he found the relief pushed aside by the fact she was clearly teasing him and tried on a look of mock hurt, "you know, I bare my soul to you and what do I get? Laughed at? I swear, I will _never_ understand women!"

Elizabeth buried her head against his chest, muffling the sounds of further laughter that threatened to escape. Perhaps she had made light of the situation a little too soon but he didn't mind, she could tell by the way his muscles instinctively welcomed her into the embrace.

John rolled his eyes, letting a smile grace his lips as they followed the hug into a comfortable silence. He'd almost forgotten what it was like to be this content, _happy. _The desperation and cold emptiness he'd felt in her absence was slowly drowning in a wash of new memories and he pushed the dark thoughts to the back of his mind where hopefully they'd stay, forgotten. He didn't need to be reminded of what he'd lost, just be grateful for the things he'd gained.

And right now, he had _everything_.

* * *

OOOO

_**I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the most of it without knowing what's going to happen next. - **_Gilda Radner

OOOO

* * *

AN: Sorry it's taken me so long to get this last chapter up. I was planning a sequel but it seems my muse has up and left. I'm hoping that writing some shorter stories will fix that :P Anyway let me know what you think, it's been a pleasure XXX


End file.
